Good Luck Charlie - Disney.fdx Script

GOOD LUCK CHARLIE
"Stroller Derby"
written by
Rachel Bollinger
Haystack Studios
316-761-0641
bigskykansas@yahoo.com
GOOD LUCK CHARLIE
“STROLLER DERBY”
COLD OPENING
FADE IN:
INT. DUNCAN HOME - KITCHEN - MORNING
(BOB, TEDDY, GABE, AMY, CHARLIE, PJ)
DRESSED FOR SCHOOL, TEDDY OPENS CUPBOARD TO SEE A LONE BOX OF
BRAN CEREAL. FACE SQUINCHING, SHE SHUTS CUPBOARD. BOB ENTERS
FROM GARAGE.
TEDDY
Dad? I thought I was the first one up.
BOB
Nope, I went out early --we’re out of
everything.
HE PUTS KEYS ON COUNTER WITH TWO GALLONS OF MILK.
TEDDY
Come on, you didn’t want a bowl of
shredded card board?
BOB
Exactly.
BOB DISAPPEARS SEVERAL BEATS INTO GARAGE TO GET GROCERIES.
GABE ENTERS, NODS TO TEDDY HALF ASLEEP.
TEDDY
Mornin’, sunshine.
"STROLLER DERBY"
2
GABE OPENS SAME CUPBOARD AND SHRIEKS.
BOB (O.C.)
(YELLS) What’s wrong?
TEDDY
It’s nothing! --Just the bran.
ARMS FULL OF GROCERIES, BOB SIMULTANEOUSLY TRIES TO PULL A
DOUBLE-SEAT STROLLER OVERLOADED WITH GROCERIES THROUGH DOOR.
TEDDY (CONT’D)
(TO BOB) Oh, you need help!
LODGED IN DOOR WAY, BOB FLASHES “DUH” LOOK.
TEDDY (CONT’D)
Hurry, Gabe!
INSTEAD OF GRABBING GROCERIES FROM BOB’S ARMS. GABE PULLS
STROLLER THROUGH DOOR. BOB LOOSES BALANCE, BUT RECOVERS.
BOB
Well, that’s one way to do it.
TEDDY HELPS BOB WITH GROCERIES. GABE PULLS OUT A BOX OF
DOUGHNUTS, AND LAYS THEM ON COUNTER.
GABE
Yes, doughnuts! I love you, Dad.
GABE OPENS LID. BOB REACHES ACROSS COUNTER.
BOB
WAIT! Not so fast!
BOB STOPS GABE’S HAND.
GABE
Okay?
"STROLLER DERBY"
3
BOB
DO NOT EAT the bacon-maple ones, your
mother had another “MUST-HAVE”. I
drove a half ’n hour to get these!
BOB HOLDS UP BACON-MAPLE DOUGHNUT. TEDDY AND GABE GAG.
GABE
Don’t worry.
TEDDY
Yeah, that’s sick.
BOB
Unfortunately, your mother can’t crave
anything remotely normal.
GABE BITES INTO GLAZED DOUGHNUT.
TEDDY
I think it’s romantic, you going out
and getting Mom whatever she wants.
BOB POURS A CUP OF COFFEE. TEDDY PUTS AWAY GROCERIES.
BOB
Yeah well, you’re mom is pretty
uncomfortable at this stage of her
pregnancy, romantic isn’t the word
that comes to mind. --More like
survival! --She wants doughnuts, I get
doughnuts!
GABE
(WRYLY) Yeah, ‘cuz you never want
doughnuts!
"STROLLER DERBY"
4
BOB SWIPES GABE’S DOUGHNUT.
BOB
--For that, I’ll take yours!
GABE GRABS ANOTHER.
TEDDY
Wow, I never realized how old our
double-seat stroller is. I loved
Purple Barney. --Poor Charlie, Purple
Barney isn’t on anymore.
GABE
Poor Charlie?! --How about poor Gabe,
and poor PJ. Purple Barney was girly!
TEDDY
PJ loved Purple Barney.
AMY ENTERS WITH CHARLIE, AND BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN HAIR. SHE
ZOMBIES TO COFFEE. CHARLIE CLIMBS INTO CHAIR, LAYS HEAD DOWN
ON KITCHEN TABLE.
AMY
I had a long night.
TEDDY
Noooo...
BOB
Couldn’t tell.
GABE
Not at all.
"STROLLER DERBY"
5
TEDDY
Mom, Charlie and the new baby deserve
to have a new two-seat stroller.
Purple Barney should be retired.
BOB HANDS AMY CUP OF COFFEE AND KISSES HER FOREHEAD. HER HAIR
OVERTAKES HIS FACE.
AMY
That stroller is fine! It’s lasted
through all you kids! --Can’t say that
for much of anything else. (TO BOB)
Can we?
BOB
Nope. Because when stuff gets to Gabe,
it’s somehow get’s magically
destroyed.
GABE GIVES CHARLIE A DOUGHNUT.
GABE
(TO CHARLIE) And that’s why you should
love me more than all the others! I
save you from boring, old toys and
ugly hand-me-downs!
GABE KNUCKLE PUNCHES CHARLIE. HE SITS DOWN IN STROLLER FOR
MEMORY’S SAKE.
SFX: MATERIAL RIPPING
GABE RIPS THROUGH SEAT OF STROLLER (PURPLE BARNEY).
AMY
Gabe Duncan!
"STROLLER DERBY"
6
BOB
And I rest my case.
GABE
I’m sorry, Mom, I didn’t mean to.
AMY
You never do, honey.
BOB HELPS GABE UP. PJ ENTERS KITCHEN IN KWIKKI CHIKKI UNIFORM
B-LINES TO DOUGHNUTS.
PJ
Yes!!
ALL TURN TO SEE PJ EATING MAPLE-BACON DOUGHNUT.
DUNCAN FAMILY
Noooo!!!
END OF COLD OPEN
CUT TO:
INT. GOOD LUCK CHARLIE THEME SONG - DAY
"STROLLER DERBY"
7
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
FADE IN:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM DOOR - DAY
(TEDDY, IVY, TEACHER, STUDENTS)
TEDDY AND IVY HESITATE TO ENTER CLASSROOM.
TEDDY
I always thought psychology class
would be kinda fun, ya know?
IVY
Remind me why we you made me take this
class?
TEDDY
I didn’t, it’s required.
IVY
Oh...
PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER, PAST ARMY SERGEANT, STANDS IN DOORWAY
LIKE GENERAL PATTON. WRITTEN ON CHALK BOARD, “YOUR MIND, YOUR
MACHINE”.
TEACHER
Good afternoon, ladies! Come in, come
in.
SFX: SCHOOL BELL
GIRLS SIT DOWN IN FEAR. HE HANDS EACH STUDENT A MANILA
FOLDER. LAST NAMES ON THE OUTSIDE LIKE A SECRET MISSION.
TEACHER (CONT’D)
Students, the experiment you have
dreaded is finally here.
(MORE)
"STROLLER DERBY"
8
TEACHER (CONT’D)
This Friday, at nineteen-hundred
hours, you and your families will
forge through forty-eight hours
WITHOUT MODERN TECHNOLOGY, until
Sunday, eighteen-hundred hours. Do you
copy?
CLASS MOANS.
TEACHER (CONT’D)
Ah, quit your whinin’! Your contracts
are right here to remind you.
HE PULLS A CONTRACT FROM ENVELOPE AND READS IT FAST.
TEACHER (CONT’D)
There will be no cell phones, no
facebooking, tweets or twitters. No
iPods, iPhones, iPads or video
cameras. No TV, video games of any
kind, hand-held or otherwise, no
internet, and all computers are
prohibited. The only exceptions are
parent’s work phones and 911 emergency
calls.
TEDDY
(TO IVY) Kill me now.
IVY
OO! If you die, I could use my phone!
CUT TO:
"STROLLER DERBY"
9
SCENE 2
INT. MEGA BABY STORE - BABY FOOD AISLE - DAY
(PJ)
PJ IS IN KWIKKI CHIKKI UNIFORM, HE CARRIES BUCKET OF CHICKEN.
PJ
(ON CELL) Mom, where are you? It’s
like Adventure Land for babies in
here!
CUT TO:
INT. - MEGA BABY STORE - STROLLER SECTION - DAY
(AMY, CHARLIE)
A SMALL DISTANCE AWAY, CHARLIE CLIMBS INTO FLOOR MODEL,
DOUBLE-SEAT STROLLER. SHE IS HIDDEN FROM AMY’S SIGHT.
AMY
(ON CELL) Tell me about it, I’m in the
stroller section. --I can’t make a
decision, there’s too many choices.
(LOWERS VOICE) Did you bring the
goods?
CUT TO:
INT. - MEGA BABY STORE - BABY FOOD AISLE - SAME
(PJ)
HE LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER.
PJ
(ON CELL) Yep. --Huh, weird. I feel
like I’m being followed.
CUT TO:
INT. - MEGA BABY STORE - STROLLER SECTION - SAME
(AMY, CHARLIE)
"STROLLER DERBY"
10
AMY
(ON CELL) Have to go! --Lost Charlie.
CHARLIE!?
AMY ENDS CALL. CHARLIE SMILES AND TUCKS BACK IN STROLLER
UNSEEN.
CUT TO:
INT. MEGA BABY STORE - BABY FOOD AISLE - SAME
(PJ, PRESCHOOLERS)
PRESCHOOLERS GRAB PJ’S LEGS.
PRESCHOOLER 1 (V.O.)
We love you, Easter Chicken!
PJ LOOKS DOWN TO SEE PRESCHOOLERS CLINGING TO HIS ANKLES.
PJ
WHOA, wait! I’m not the Easter
Chicken! It’s not Easter! --Is it? No,
no, it’s not.
PRESCHOOLER 2
WHERE’S THE CANDY?!
PJ
I don’t have candy.
PRESCHOOLER 1
You have to!
PRESCHOOLER 2
Lying is WRONG! (POINTS TO BUCKET)
What’s in that?
PJ
Not candy.
"STROLLER DERBY"
11
PRESCHOOLER 3
IT’S OUR CANDY!
PJ
NO WAIT! FREEZE! --HEAR THAT? (SILENCE
A BEAT.) It’s your mothers calling
you! GO! RUN!
PRESCHOOLERS FOLD ARMS.
PRESCHOOLER 2
Not funny, Easter Chicken!
ALL PRESCHOOLERS
(CHANT) CANDY! CANDY! CANDY!
FRUSTRATED, PJ NOTICES BOXES OF ANIMAL CRACKERS ON SHELF,
THROWS THEM LIKE FOOTBALLS. PRESCHOOLERS TREK AFTER BOXES AND
DISAPPEAR IN (AD-LIB) CHEERS.
PJ
...Cool.
CUT TO:
INT. STROLLER SECTION - SAME
(AMY, CHARLIE, PJ, TINY-TERRI)
CHARLIE WAVES AT AMY FROM STROLLER.
AMY
There you are, Charlie! You scared
Mommy.
CHARLIE
Sorry. Baby wants this one.
AMY
Oh, really, the baby told you that?
CHARLIE PUTS HER EAR TO AMY’S TUMMY.
"STROLLER DERBY"
12
CHARLIE
Uh, huh. Just did.
AMY
OO, I kinda like it, too!
AMY’S EYES BUG OUT OVER PRICE TAG.
AMY (CONT’D)
Maybe not that much. Do you have to
pick the Cadillac of strollers?
...You got class, kid. Just like your
momma.
PJ ENTERS LOOKING FRAZZLED.
PJ
Extra crispy just like you wanted.
HANDS CHICKEN BUCKET TO AMY.
AMY
Mamma needs, mamma needs! Thanks.
HE PULLS SMALL JAR OF GREEN OLIVES FROM JACKET POCKET.
PJ
Oh, ‘n here’s the green olives you
wanted. --You’ve got some weird
cravings!
AMY SITS ON FLOOR TO SCARF DOWN CHICKEN.
AMY
(MOUTH FULL) I know.
PJ NOTICES CHARLIE IN COOL DOUBLE-SEAT STROLLER.
"STROLLER DERBY"
13
PJ
(TO CHARLIE) So, you want this one,
huh?
CHARLIE
Baby wants it!
AMY
--And Mamma can’t buy it!
PJ
The baby talks to you?! Whoa! No way!
CHARLIE NODS. PJ SITS DOWN IN THE SAME TWO-SEAT STROLLER. PJ
LOOKS LIKE A GIANT CHILD IN KWIKKI CHIKKI HAT.
PJ (CONT’D)
This is amazing!
AMY STUFFS GREEN OLIVES INTO ALREADY FULL MOUTH.
AMY
Mmm...so is this!
PJ
(TO CHARLIE) Hey, maybe we could get
Dad to like push us in this together!
CHARLIE
(GIGGLES) No!
PJ MOVES STROLLER ARM WITH DVD PLAYER AROUND.
PJ
No way, get out! There’s a movable arm
with a DVD player! Unbelievable!
“Beauty and The Feast” comes with
purchase! (TO CHARLIE) Push play!!
"STROLLER DERBY"
14
CHARLIE PULLS A REMOTE OUT, AIMS, MOVIE STARTS.
CUT TO:
SCENE 3
INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY
(TEACHER, TEDDY, IVY, STUDENTS)
IVY RAISES HAND.
TEACHER
Yes, Miss Wentz.
IVY
What about microwaves? My Dad has his
nightly popcorn fix with the history
channel, and we don’t really want to
mess with that, if you know what I
mean.
TEACHER
Pocahontas popped popcorn plenty of
periods prior to the microwave popping
popcorn. All to say, your microwave is
not on the “no list”.
IVY
(TO TEDDY) Is he kidding?
TEDDY
No, no, he’s not, but Sally sells
seashells by the sea shore.
TEDDY GIGGLES.
TEACHER
Something funny, Miss Duncan?
"STROLLER DERBY"
15
TEDDY
No, no, not at all, sir.
TEACHER
(TO CLASS) Alright, so if any of you
choose to abort this mission, because
you can’t HANDLE IT. There will be
consequences, this is THIRTY-FIVE
PERCENT of your final grade.
STUDENTS MOAN. TEDDY RAISES HAND.
TEDDY
I have a question.
TEACHER
You specialize in ‘em, Missy.
TEDDY
Okay. (BEAT) Well, anyway, could I
just stay the weekend with Ivy and do
this whole, no modern technology
experiment on her family? Because my
family is big, and REALLY difficult,
oh, and my mother is like moody and
pregnant --it just wouldn’t be fun!
TEACHER
FUN? Did you use the word, FUN?
TEDDY
I didn’t mean FUN, did I use that
adjective? I meant, not easy!
TEDDY CHUCKLES TO MAKE LIGHT. TEACHER POUNDS PODIUM. TEDDY
JUMPS. SLEEPING STUDENTS WAKE UP.
"STROLLER DERBY"
16
SFX: PATRIOTIC MUSIC
TEACHER
SILENCE! THIS IS NOT A REAL SACRIFICE,
STUDENTS! GOING TO WAR, FIGHTING FOR
YOUR COUNTRY, SACRIFICE! Giving your
life for another human, SACRIFICE! BUT
THIS, this is a study in human
behavior! THIS IS A PAPER!
HE LEANS IN TEDDY’S FACE.
SFX: RECORD PLAYER BEING SCRATCHED
TEACHER (CONT’D)
You’re family will do this, you will
MAKE IT HAPPEN, soldier, I mean, Miss
Duncan.
TEDDY STANDS AND SALUTES WITHOUT THOUGHT.
TEDDY
Marching into battle, Sir!
TEACHER
You makin’ fun of me, Duncan?
TEDDY
No, Sir! Getting the vision, Sir. I
see the battle approaching.
TEACHER LOOKS EXHILARATED BY HER SOLDIER MENTALITY.
TEACHER
I like that! --Alright!!
TEACHER PATS TEDDY’S BACK, SHE FUMBLES FORWARD A FEW STEPS.
SFX: SCHOOL BELL
"STROLLER DERBY"
17
TEACHER (CONT’D)
Class dismissed! Now, gett’er done!
IVY
What just happened?
TEDDY
I have no idea.
CUT TO:
SCENE 4
INT. MEGA BABY STORE - STROLLER SECTION - DAY
(AMY, CHARLIE, PJ, TINY-TERRI)
ON FLOOR, AMY’S GREASY FACE LOOKS UP AS A CRUMB OF CHICKEN
SITS PERCHED ON HER CHEEK.
AMY
Napkins, PJ?
PJ LOOKS DOWN FROM WATCHING MOVIE TO AMY.
PJ
--Sorry.
AMY SEES PYRAMID DISPLAY OF WET-WIPES. SHE ALSO SEES OLD HIGH
SCHOOL RIVAL, TINY-TERRI, A SUPER-FIT MOM IN YOGA ATTIRE,
SHOPPING FOR A STROLLER.
AMY
(WHISPERS) Tiny-Terri! What’s she
doing in here?
PJ
(TO CHARLIE) Pause it.
CHARLIE HOLDS UP REMOTE, PAUSES MOVIE.
PJ (CONT’D)
(TO AMY) There’s no Tiny-Terri in
“Beauty and the Feast”, Mom.
"STROLLER DERBY"
18
AMY
NO! (POINTS) Tiny-Terri who beat me
out of cheer club in high school,
because she was more tiny! The boys
stopped throwing me up and threw her
instead! It was devastating. I never
cheered again.
PJ
You never told us you loved cheerleading.
AMY
I didn’t, I loved the boys. --And
well, the cute outfits. Cheerleading
wasn’t really the point.
PJ
Really, Mom. High school? Let it go.
(TO CHARLIE) Un-pause.
CHARLIE HOLDS UP REMOTE.
AMY
Oh, watch your movie, will ya!
GREASY HANDS IN AIR, AMY KNEE-WALKS OVER TO PYRAMID OF
STACKED WET-WIPES, AMY PULLS A PACKAGE OF WIPES OUT. CLEANS
UP GREASY HANDS AND FACE, WHILE SPYING ON TINY-TERRI. SHE
SNEEZES. PYRAMID DISPLAY COLLAPSES, TINY-TERRI NOTICES AMY.
AMY “CHEER WALKS” OVER TO TINY-TERRI.
AMY (CONT’D)
TER-RI! How. (CLAP) Are. (CLAP) You?
"STROLLER DERBY"
19
TINY-TERRI
Some things never change. (SNIFFS)
What is that smell? It’s like fried
chicken or something!?
AMY
Huh? --Don’t smell a-thing! You look
tiny, I mean you look good.
TINY-TERRI
Oh, thanks, I’m into this whole
organic way of life.
AMY
--I’m pregnant, obviously, can’t be
tiny anymore!
TINY-TERRI WALKS OVER TO THE STROLLER PJ AND CHARLIE SIT IN.
SHE CHECKS PRICE TAG, WHILE AMY HIDES CHICKEN BUCKET AND
OLIVES IN HER OVER-SIZED HANDBAG.
TINY-TERRI
See this stroller, it’s phenomenal!
Handles curves like a reincarnated
Porche. I totally want it.
AMY
Yeah, well, I know my strollers. This
is the one for us! --Sorry, guess we
beat-cha to it!
PJ
(TO CHARLIE) I love this part!
BOTH CHARLIE AND PJ LAUGH AT MOVIE.
"STROLLER DERBY"
20
TINY-TERRI
Oh, I see. Are these your kids?
AMY
Yep, and this is actually baby number
five! The other two are in school. How
many do you have?
TINY-TERRI GLANCES AT PJ IN CHICKEN HAT.
TINY-TERRI
Maybe you should order a three-seater.
(SYMPATHETIC) You really have your
hands full, Amy.
AMY
Don’t I know!
TINY-TERRI
Or one of those motorized strollers.
AMY
Now I’m not too tiny to push! It may
be my seventh month, but I still got
it.
AMY FLEXES.
TINY-TERRI
I’m pregnant with my second.
TINY-TERRI PATS HER SEMI-FLAT STOMACH.
AMY
Congrats, whatta-ya-like two months?
TINY-TERRI
No, seven. --Huh, just like you!
"STROLLER DERBY"
21
AMY
You’re SEVEN MONTHS?!
AMY LOOKS MORTIFIED, SHE NEEDS TO COMPARE BELLIES. AMY TRIES
TO STAND BESIDE TINY-TERRI WHILE TINY-TERRI SHOPS.
TINY-TERRI
Yep, I feel great! I teach Stroller
Fit Class at the park. I’m like a
cheerleader for pregnant moms!
AMY
Of course you are.
TINY-TERRI BRUSHES CRUMB OFF AMY’S CHEEK.
TINY-TERRI
You should try my class! --It
definitely helps curb the cravings!
AMY
Yeah, no. I have my hands full,
remember?
TINY-TERRI LOOKS AT PJ AND NODS IN AGREEMENT.
TINY-TERRI
Yeah, it might be too much.
TINY-TERRI WALKS AWAY TO LOOK AT ANOTHER STROLLER, WHILE PJ
GETS UP, GLANCES AT WATCH.
PJ
Wow, I better get back to work. See
ya.
AMY
Bye sweetie, thanks.
PJ EXITS. AMY STROLLS CHARLIE IN OVERPRICED STROLLER PAST
TINY-TERRI.
"STROLLER DERBY"
22
AMY (CONT’D)
Nice catching up, Terri!
TINY-TERRI LOOKS WORRIED.
TINY-TERRI
Bye. Hey, wait! --Where’s your son?
AMY
PJ? Oh he finally took off!
TINY-TERRI
Shouldn’t you search for him?
AMY
Are you kidding? He’ll turn up, right
around dinner time, he always does!
TINY-TERRI LOOKS PUZZLED. AMY STROLLS AWAY.
FADE OUT.
SCENE 6
INT. DUNCAN HOME - GARAGE - NIGHT
(AMY, GABE)
GABE CARRIES OUT TRASH FROM KITCHEN DOOR, HE SEES AMY
COVERING UP SOMETHING UNKNOWN WITH A PAINT TARP. AMY JUMPS.
AMY
GABE, YOU SCARED ME!
GABE’S FACE TURNS ORNERY.
GABE
Sorry. --What’s under that?
AMY
(FAKE VOICE) Under what, honey?
"STROLLER DERBY"
23
GABE
Mom, you’re so not good at sneaky.
Come clean. Whatta-ya hidin’?
AMY
FINE! ...LOOK!
GABE ADMIRES STROLLER.
GABE
That’s a theater on wheels! Awesome.
GABE LOOKS AS IF HE WOULD LIKE TO SIT IN IT.
AMY
Don’t you even think of sitting in it!
(BEAT) I’m returning this “Porche”
after the weekend. We can’t afford it,
and I don’t want Dad finding out about
my problem with Tiny-Terri. He
wouldn’t understand.
GABE LOOKS CONFUSED.
GABE
Ya lost me at Tiny-Terry.
FADE OUT.
SCENE SEVEN
INT. DUNCAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY
(TEDDY, IVY)
TEDDY ENTERS LIVING ROOM WITH DUST-COVERED BOARD GAMES
STACKED UP TO HER NECK. IVY FOLLOWS. SHE SETS THEM DOWN ON
COFFEE TABLE. DUST RISES, TEDDY COUGHS.
"STROLLER DERBY"
24
TEDDY
Alright, I made a “family fun list” of
all the entertaining things we can do
without technology for forty-eight
hours. --We’re gonna have a great
time!
IVY PICKS UP HER PURSE AND JACKET FROM COUCH.
IVY
And that’s my cue to leave. --When you
start lying to yourself.
TEDDY
I know, I totally am. (BEAT) Ivy,
don’t leave! STAY! Come on, play
“Funopoly” with us! How about “Conquer
the World”?
IVY
Yeah, no. I see mutiny in your future.
I’m goin’.
IVY OPENS FRONT DOOR.
TEDDY
Nice, thanks for the support! (YELLS)
Enjoy READING history books with your
Dad all weekend!
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
"STROLLER DERBY"
25
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
INT. DUNCAN HOME - BASEMENT - NIGHT
(TEDDY, GABE, PJ)
PJ AND GABE PLAY VIDEO GAME ON TV. TEDDY EXITS HER BEDROOM
WITH BOX LABELED “TECHNOLOGY”.
TEDDY
Guys, it’s time to unplug. My psych
experiment officially starts in ten
minutes.
SHE STANDS IN FRONT OF TV WITH BOX. BOYS MOAN. AND TRY TO
PLAY VIDEO GAME AROUND HER.
PJ
Oh, man! I can’t believe we agreed to
this!
TEDDY
Well, ya did. I have your signatures
to prove it.
GABE
I’m feelin’ the need to be bribed.
PJ
Yeah, bribe us, sista!
PJ AND GABE LAUGH.
TEDDY
I did! I bribed you both four months
ago. --I did your laundry for twoweeks straight!
TEDDY SHOVES BOX IN FRONT OF THEM.
"STROLLER DERBY"
26
PJ
(REMEMBERING) Oh, yeah, I forgot.
GABE
It went too fast.
TEDDY
You miss having clean underwear, don’t
ya? (TO PJ) --So hand over your cell.
(TO GABE) And you, hand over your PSgame.
PJ KISSES CELL (SHEILA) GOOD-BYE.
PJ
Good-bye, my Sheila.
TEDDY
That’s creepy.
GABE PULLS PS-GAME FROM BACK POCKET, PLACES IN BOX.
GABE
(TO PS-GAME) This hurts me more than
you.
TEDDY PUTS HER OWN CELL PHONE IN BOX.
TEDDY
Witness this, please. (BEAT) Look,
Sunday night at six, this will all be
over. No more experiment. And life
will go back to normal.
GABE AND PJ SLOUCH IN COUCHES, DEPRESSED.
GABE
Until then, hello nightmare.
"STROLLER DERBY"
27
PJ
What are we supposed to do? (SNIFFS) I
feel so lost. So disconnected.
TEDDY WINDS UP CONTROLLERS AND PUTS THEM IN BOX.
TEDDY
Maybe, we’ll learn something about
ourselves. --That’s kind of the point.
PJ
I think we’ve learned something
already.
TEDDY
Really? What?
PJ
Yeah, being your brother is painful.
TEDDY SMIRKS. SHE EXITS UP BASEMENT STAIRS WITH BOX, SHE
STOPS MIDWAY.
TEDDY
So I need to put away the board games,
and all the home-made cookies and
snacks I have ready for you? --I don’t
want to cause you any more pain.
PJ
SNACKS!
GABE
I didn’t say pain!
PJ AND GABE JUMP UP. AND RACE UPSTAIRS, PASSING TEDDY. SHE
BRACES HERSELF.
"STROLLER DERBY"
28
PJ
(YELLS BACK) You’re the best!
TEDDY
Brothers.
CUT TO:
SCENE 3
INT. DUNCAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
(AMY, BOB, TEDDY, PJ, GABE)
FAMILY IN PAJAMAS. SNACKS EVERYWHERE. THE DUNCANS HAVE BEEN
PLAYING “CONQUER THE WORLD” (AKA RISK) ALL EVENING. GABE IS
PROPPED UP AGAINST COUCH ASLEEP. PJ SNACKS. BOB IS DOZING IN
AND OUT. TEDDY IS FRUSTRATED.
AMY
I need more reinforcements! (YELLS)
WAKE UP THE BANKER!
BOB COMES TO FROM AMY’S VOICE.
BOB
What’s wrong?
AMY
The banks asleep.
TEDDY
He’s closed. Can’t we call it a night?
It’s almost two, seriously!
AMY
No way! It’s called, CONQUER THE
WORLD! There’s no winner until someone
does just that! What true leader
quits?
"STROLLER DERBY"
29
TEDDY
Tired leaders who are fighting a
dictator.
AMY
We took board games seriously in my
day. Didn’t we, Bob?
BOB KIND OF NODS.
PJ
Exactly! And that’s how we feel about
video games.
AMY
Not the same, but okay. Now watch me
conquer the territory of East
Australia.
BOB
I’m East Australia!
AMY
I know! Oh, and you’re goin’ down, Mr.
Down Under.
AMY ROLES DICE.
AMY (CONT’D)
Come to Mama!
BOB
I will defend my territory! --WAKE UP
THE BANKER!
AMY
You don’t have a prayer.
"STROLLER DERBY"
30
TEDDY SLUMPS IN FRUSTRATION.
TEDDY
(TO SELF) I give up.
BOB SHAKES GABE’S SHOULDER.
BOB
I need some reinforcements, Gabe. (TO
TEDDY) Take over bein’ the banker,
will ya?
TEDDY
Let PJ.
GABE MOVES, STILL SLEEPING, HIS HAND COMES UP AND KNOCKS THE
EDGE OF THE GAME-BOARD UP IN THE AIR AND OFF THE COFFEE
TABLE. COLORFUL PIECES FLY IN SLOW MOTION.
AMY
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
PJ
That’s one way to conquer the world.
OBLIVIOUS, GABE GOES RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR AMIDST
THE SCATTERED PIECES.
FADE OUT.
SCENE 4
INT. DUNCAN HOME - KITCHEN - MORNING
(CHARLIE, GABE)
GABE EATS CEREAL ALONE. SOMETHING BOTHERS HIS EAR. HE MOVES
HIS HEAD LIKE WATER IS STUCK IN HIS EAR.
GABE
What is that?
GABE PULLS A GAME PIECE FROM HIS EAR. CHARLIE ENTERS WITH
DOLL.
"STROLLER DERBY"
31
CHARLIE
No one will wake up. --You play with
me?
GABE
What is there to possible do? And, I’m
not playing baby! (BEAT) Wait a
minute! --We could go on a walk?
CHARLIE JUMPS AROUND IN HAPPINESS.
CHARLIE
Yeah, a walk! I love walks!
GABE
Okay, you eat first, and big brother
Gabe will take care of the snacks and
the movies!
GABE LOOKS ORNERY. CHARLIE SITS DOWN AT TABLE FOR BREAKFAST.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARK - MORNING
(GABE, CHARLIE, TINY-TERRI, STROLLER MOMS)
GABE PUSHES CHARLIE IN FORBIDDEN STROLLER.
GABE
Remember this is all a secret. Okay?
CHARLIE
K.
THEY WALK BY TINY-TERRI LEADING SQUATS TO STROLLER MOMS WITH
STROLLERS FILLED WITH KIDS.
CUT TO:
"STROLLER DERBY"
32
SCENE 5
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
(TEDDY, BOB, PJ)
TEDDY PICKS UP SCATTERED GAME PIECES FROM PREVIOUS NIGHT.
TEDDY
It’s either no more board games or you
and Mom have to be on the same team.
You’re too competitive.
BOB HELPS PICK UP.
BOB
Our world leader is still sleeping, I
don’t want Charlie waking her up, have
you seen her?
TEDDY
Gabe took Charlie for a walk. He left
a note. I’ll be writing that down in
my psychology report.
PJ ENTERS LIVING ROOM FROM KITCHEN IN KWIKKI CHIKKI UNIFORM.
BOB
Really? (TO PJ) Hey, PJ can you drop
me off at the park on your way to
work?
PJ
Sure. I don’t have to be at work for a
while. Want me to take you now?
BOB
That’d be great. Get this, Gabe took
Charlie to the park.
"STROLLER DERBY"
33
PJ
That’s not natural.
BOB GRABS JACKET. THE TWO HEAD OUT DOOR.
BOB
There has to be a catch to this.
CUT TO:
SCENE SIX
EXT. THE PARK - UNDER A TREE - DAY
(GABE, CHARLIE)
CHARLIE HAS FALLEN ASLEEP WITH CHOCOLATE AROUND HER MOUTH,
SITTING IN THE STROLLER. HER DOLL IN THE OTHER SEAT.
GABE
Nap time. Gabe time!
HE TURNS MOVIE PLAYER OUT TOWARDS HIM. HE FLINGS OUT A
BLANKET. TAKES OUT THE KID MOVIE AND PUTS HIS MOVIE IN.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARK - DAY
(PJ, BOB, TINY-TERRI, STROLLER MOMMIES)
BOB
Looks like we’re gonna have to divide
up. You go West. I’ll meet you back
here in twenty.
PJ
Okay. Sounds good. ...West?
BOB
(POINTS) That way. This would be so
much easier with cell phones.
PJ EXITS.
"STROLLER DERBY"
34
TINY-TERRI AND STROLLER MOMS JOG AND STROLL KIDS BY. THEY
STOP AND DO JUMPING JACKS.
BOB (CONT’D)
(TO TINY-TERRI) Excuse me, have you
ladies seen a little blond girl, about
three years-old? And she’s with her
big brother.
TINY-TERRI NEVER STOPS DOING JUMPING JACKS.
TINY-TERRI
No, I don’t think so, but we’ll keep
our eyes open won’t we, Stroller Moms?
STROLLER MOMS
(CHANT) YES! WE! WILL!
BOB
Alright, thanks.
TINY-TERRI
And 5-more, 4-more, 3-more, 2-more and
one. Now walk your baby!
BOB WALKS AS THEY STROLLER-SPEED PAST HIM.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARK - UNDER A TREE - DAY
(GABE, CHARLIE, TINY-TERRI, BABY, STROLLER MOMS)
TINY-TERRI
Okay, ladies, cool down! Way to go!
TINY-TERRI NOTICES STROLLER. GABE WATCHES MOVIE, ARMS BEHIND
HIS HEAD.
TINY-TERRI (CONT’D)
Nice stroller.
GABE USES REMOTE PAUSES.
"STROLLER DERBY"
35
GABE
Huh-what?
TINY-TERRI
That’s the XZ-ten-two-thousand. I was
just looking at that stroller. But
some one beat me from buying it. I
hate losing.
GABE
Yeah, okay...
TINY-TERRI LOOKS AT CHARLIE, AND REALIZES WHO THEY ARE.
TINY-TERRI
Wait a minute, she’s Amy’s little
girl.
GABE
Yep.
TINY-TERRI
Does your older brother wear a chicken
hat?
GABE
Yeah, sometimes.
TINY-TERRI
Do you know where he is?
GABE
I have no earthly idea.
TINY-TERRI
Oh my goodness, stay here! Your Dad is
looking for your brother!
"STROLLER DERBY"
36
GABE
I don’t think so.
TINY-TERRI
You just stay put.
GABE
Yeah, planning on it.
GABE RESTARTS MOVIE WITH REMOTE. PULLS OUT BAG OF POPCORN.
GABE (CONT’D)
Weird.
TINY-TERRI
(TO STROLLER MOMS) Stroller Moms
gather around!
CUT TO:
SCENE SEVEN
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
(TEDDY, AMY)
AMY IS EATING GRAPES, SPRAWLED ON COUCH READING A BOOK. TEDDY
READS BOOK IN CHAIR.
SFX: CLASSICAL MUSIC
AMY
Oh, Teddy, this is lovely.
TEDDY
I know. Go figure, no technology and
they all go play outside.
AMY
I have always wanted to finish this
novel. Today may be that day!
SFX: DOORBELL
"STROLLER DERBY"
37
AMY (CONT’D)
Or not.
TEDDY ANSWERS DOOR. IVY LOOKS FRUSTRATED.
TEDDY
Ivy! Come on in, what’s wrong?
IVY
It’s just too quiet at my house. I
can’t take it anymore! I need noise.
TEDDY
It’s quiet here too.
AMY
It was.
IVY
My Dad and Mom are just starring at me
and there’s nothing possibly left to
talk about. NOTHING! I need something
to text or type or watch something! WE
NEED TV TO LIVE!!
TEDDY
Alrighty now, calm down.
IVY
Wait a minute, you have music!?
TEDDY
Radio is not on the bad list. It’s
radio, it’s older than TV.
TEDDY USHERS IVY INTO THE KITCHEN.
"STROLLER DERBY"
38
IVY
Serious? I can listen to radio?
TEDDY
Yep.
CUT TO:
SCENE EIGHT
EXT. THE PARK - DAY
(PJ, TINY-TERRI, STROLLER MOMMIES)
PJ IS RUNNING FROM STROLLER MOMMIES.
PJ
(YELLING BACK) I’m not the Easter
Chicken!! LEAVE ME ALONE!
TINY-TERRI
Bless his heart, he thinks he’s the
Easter Chicken! --AMBUSH HIM, LADIES!
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARK - SAME
(BOB, GABE, CHARLIE)
HE STANDS BEHIND GABE’S HEAD. GABE LOOKS UP TO SEE HIS DAD
TOWERING OVER HIM.
GABE
Dad!
BOB
Enjoying your movie, son?
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARK - SAME
(BOB, PJ, GABE, CHARLIE, TINY-TERRI, STROLLER MOMS)
STROLLER MOMS HAVE CAPTURED PJ. AND PUSH HIM INTO THE STOLLER
SEAT. THEY STROLLER HIM TO BOB.
"STROLLER DERBY"
39
BOB
What in the world?
TINY-TERRI PUSHES PJ RIGHT UP TO BOB IN A STROLLER.
TINY-TERRI
We found your son!
BOB
I see.
PJ
DAD, HELP ME!
PJ GETS UP AND HUGS HIS DAD FOR DEAR LIFE.
STROLLER MOMS
AHHH!!
TINY-TERRI
Happy Ending!
PJ
(IN BOB’S EAR) They’re crazy, they
tracked me down, hunted me like a wild
animal.
BOB
Ladies, I appreciate you trying to
help.
TINY-TERRI
No problem. You tell Amy that Terri
saved the day.
BOB
Oh, you know Amy?
"STROLLER DERBY"
40
TINY-TERRI
I do. (EXHALES) Bless you.
PJ
(LOWERED VOICE) Don’t ask. Just walk
away. Trust me.
BOB
Okay, well thank you. Let’s go kids!
TINY-TERRI
Ladies, our good deed for the day is
complete. See you all tomorrow!
STROLLER MOMS AD-LIB GOOD-BYES.
GABE
Oh, that’s Tiny-Terri!
FADE OUT.
SCENE NINE
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
(AMY, BOB, GABE, CHARLIE)
CHARLIE, BOB, GABE ENTER FROM KITCHEN DOOR.
AMY
How was the park?
GABE
Not dull, we had a show of our own.
Poor PJ!
MEN LAUGH. CHARLIE RUNS TO AMY.
CHARLIE
Mommy!
AMY HUGS AND KISSES CHARLIE.
"STROLLER DERBY"
41
AMY
What’s so funny?
BOB
Lets just say what happens at the park
stays at the park.
BOB AND GABE KNUCKLE PUNCH.
AMY
Alright. --I want you to know, I
finished my novel. Now, who’s up for a
game of Funopoly?
EVERYONE EXITS ROOM EXCEPT CHARLIE.
AMY (CONT’D)
Oh, come on?!
FADE OUT.
SCENE TEN
INT. DUNCAN HOME - GARAGE - DAY
(BOB, GABE, PJ, TEDDY)
MEN ARE SEATED IN CAR. WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN AND THE ARM OF THE
STROLLER WITH THE DVD PLAYER IS PROPPED ON WINDOW SEAL, MOVIE
IS PLAYING. THEY ARE EATING POPCORN AND WATCHING MOVIE.
CUT TO:
INT. DUNCAN HOME - KITCHEN - DAY
(AMY, TEDDY)
TEDDY
Have you seen, PJ? I’m supposed to
tell him when it’s almost over.
"STROLLER DERBY"
42
AMY
Come to think of it, I haven’t seen
anyone. Check the garage, see if the
car is there.
TEDDY OPENS DOOR AND SHUTS.
TEDDY
I don’t believe it. THEY’RE CHEATING
IN THERE!
AMY
What? Let me see!
TEDDY
Dad is in there! They’re all big
cheaters!
CUT TO:
INT. DUNCAN HOME - GARAGE - DAY
(BOB, PJ, GABE, TEDDY, AMY)
TEDDY SNEAKS DOWN UNNOTICED PUNCHES HORN THROUGH WINDOW.
SFX: HORN HONKS
DUNCAN MEN JUMP, POPCORN FLIES.
TEDDY
You cheaters! I knew it!
GABE JUMPS OUT OF CAR, WANTING TO EXPLAIN.
GABE
Teddy wait, technically the words,
REMOTE DVD player were not listed on
the bad list. Just the words DVDplayer. I found a loop hole.
BOB AND PJ EXIT CAR.
"STROLLER DERBY"
43
PJ
A very nice loop hole. Thank you my
brother.
TEDDY
Unbelievable! You are all
unbelievable!
AMY
Gabe, you were not supposed to touch
that stroller.
BOB
Honey, we gotta keep this stroller,
IT’S GREAT!! It’s worth every penny! I
don’t care how long it takes us to pay
it off. We’re keeping it!
AMY
Really?
TEDDY
Mom, he’s buttering you up. They
cheated!!
BOB
Go ahead, write that in your paper,
but also write that we had a great
time being a family and we men bonded
over trying to sneak around you with
that movie player! It was a great
forty-eight hours.
"STROLLER DERBY"
44
PJ
Minus the park and those scary Moms.
GABE
And being grounded for taking the
stroller.
TEDDY
Alright, alright. I get it. (GLANCES
AT WATCH) Okay, well it’s over! You’re
free, time is up.
BOB
Alright, let’s finish our movie!
BOB GETS BACK IN THE CAR. AMY CLIMBS IN. KIDS EXIT.
AMY
Mommy like.
FADE OUT:
SCENE ELEVEN
INT. DUNCAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
(TEDDY, PJ, GABE)
PJ IS ON HIS PHONE IN BACK GROUND. GABE IS PLAYING HIS PSGAME IN CHAIR. TEDDY HOLDS UP CAMERA FOR VIDEO DIARY. AMY
WALKS BY WITH LAP-TOP.
TEDDY
Well, Charlie, this week, thanks to my
psychology class, we learned we can
live with out modern technology for
forty-eight hours as a family.
GABE POPS HEAD IN.
"STROLLER DERBY"
45
GABE
--And we’re never doing that again!
TEDDY
Anything else, Gabe?
GABE
Yes, someday you can thank me for your
cool stroller.
TEDDY
Okay, so if Mom ever tries to talk you
into playing, ‘Conquer the World’, run
away fast!
AMY (O.C.)
I heard that!
TEDDY
--Good luck, Charlie!
SHE TURNS OFF VIDEO RECORDER.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
TAG
INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY
(TEDDY, IVY, TEACHER, STUDENTS)
TEACHER HANDS OUT PAPERS TO STUDENTS IN THEIR SEATS.
TEDDY
I got an A!
IVY
Is that a shock?
"STROLLER DERBY"
46
TEDDY
Ivy, my family cheated...
TEACHER
Miss Duncan, after reading your full
report. I believe my wife was actually
the one who helped rescue your brother
from being lost at the park. (LOWERS
VOICE) The one who wears the chicken
out fit.
TEDDY LOOKS MORTIFIED.
TEDDY
Oh, really?
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW