TWJO 47 September 2004 That would be enough This has been issue 47 of To Win Just Once, published 18th August 2004. It incorporates Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses, a postal game of En Garde!. Issues are published ten times a year, roughly every five weeks. To Win Just Once ISSN 1470-0247 (incorporating Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses) Deadlines Orders for Odessa Steps and Railway Rivals to Mike Dommett by Friday 3rd Sept. Orders for Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses to Pevans by Friday 10th September 2004. (Remaining deadlines for 2004 are 8th/15th Oct, 12th/19th Nov.) Subscriptions The PDF and online versions of To Win Just Once are free. There is a subscription charge (“Games only” below) for playing in the games. Or you can subscribe to the paper version – which includes the cost of playing in any (or all!) of the games. The subscription rates are shown below. To subscribe, send a cheque or PO (payable to Paul Evans) in pounds sterling (GBP) to 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF, UK. I also accept payment by PayPal in pounds sterling (GBP), US dollars (USD) or Euros, subject to a surcharge of GBP 1/USD 1.50/EUR 1.50 to cover Paypal’s charges. USD and EUR rates are at 1.50 to 1 GBP. So, an 11-issue subscription for a US address is USD 46.50 (30 x 1.5 = 45 + 1.50). For a European address, an 11 issue subscription is EUR 39.00 (25 x 1.5 = 37.50 + 1.50). My PayPal account is twjo@pevans.co.uk. Paper version Single issue Subscription (11 issues) Start-up (inc. 4 issues) Start-up (inc. 10 issues) UK £2.00 £20.00 £10.00 £20.00 Other Europe Rest of World £2.50 £3.00 £25.00 £30.00 £12.50 £15.00 £25.00 £30.00 A quiet month in Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses (p 17) and Goa (below) is one of the games previewed (p 6) Games only GBP Euros US Dollars Subscribe in pounds by cheque/PO, as above. Subscribe in Euros or dollars through PayPal Per issue/game turn 0.50 1.00 1.00 only. PayPal payments in pounds should add £1 10.00 11-issue subscription 5.00 10.00 to cover PayPal’s charges. Games played If you are interested in playing any game, please let Pevans know. Diplomacy Neil Packer will run this if we have seven interested players. Pete Holland, Mike Dommett, Barry Townsend and Bill Michell have volunteered. [free start-up] En Garde! Pevans has room for more players in Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses. You will need the rules to En Garde! in order to play. [start-up fee payable] Railway Rivals the second game is in progress. Edward Walkington wants to play in the next. You will need the chosen map to play. [free start-up] Star Trader A game is in progress. Martin Jennings, Michael Grazebrook and Bob Parkins are in the queue for the next one. Full rules will be provided. [start-up fee] Printed and published by Pevans, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF, UK. Tel: 07771 535690 E-mail: TWJO@pevans.co.uk Web: www.pevans.co.uk/TWJO/ Page 36 Issue 47: September 2004 (LPBS 173: April 1658) £2.00 (Europe £2.50, Elsewhere £3.00) Also available on-line at www.pevans.co.uk/TWJO/ TWJO 47 Contents September 2004 Page Contents ................................................................................................................ 2 Chatter .................................................................................................................. 3 Letters ................................................................................................................... 3 Games Notes ......................................................................................................... 4 Science Fiction ...................................................................................................... 7 Games Events ....................................................................................................... 9 Credits ................................................................................................................... 9 Fictionary Dictionary ......................................................................................... 10 Scores from Round 3...................................................................................................... 10 Turn 4 Definitions ......................................................................................................... 10 Odessa Steps....................................................................................................... 12 Star Trader – Turn 14..............................................................................................12 Corporation Table.......................................................................................................... 14 GM Notes and News...................................................................................................... 14 Would you like some Pork Chop with that Garlic? .......................................... 15 Railway Rivals 2 – Turn 12 .....................................................................................15 Games from Pevans............................................................................................. 16 Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses 173......................................................................... 17 April 1658 .................................................................................................................17 Press..........................................................................................................................23 Announcements ............................................................................................................. 23 Matters of Honour ......................................................................................................... 23 Social .............................................................................................................................. 23 Personal ......................................................................................................................... 25 Poetry Corner................................................................................................................. 26 New Rules: Horse races ...........................................................................................27 Points Arising ...........................................................................................................29 Announcements ........................................................................................................30 Duels .........................................................................................................................30 Trial...........................................................................................................................31 New Characters ........................................................................................................31 Tables ........................................................................................................................31 Other Appointments...................................................................................................... 31 Battle Results ................................................................................................................ 32 Army Organisation and Summer Deployment............................................................. 32 Brigade Positions........................................................................................................... 32 Frontier Regiments........................................................................................................ 32 Regiments Organisation................................................................................................ 33 Hell Hath no Furry… .................................................................................................... 33 The Greasy Pole............................................................................................................. 34 That would be enough ........................................................................................ 36 Page 2 TWJO 47 Chatter September 2004 Well, I had a happy time at the Great British Beer Festival. Geraldine and I joined Neil Packer and James Guiton, plus their mate Chris, for the afternoon. A good time was had by all. As far as I can remember. I have some tasting notes somewhere and, if you’re really lucky, I’ll get them written up for this issue. Neil and James have also threatened to join in. The business doesn’t seem to have progressed too far since last time. I seem to have spent quite a bit of time setting up the accounting software I’m using and getting my books up to date. Plus I’ve done a mailshot to some ex-clients, which I’m now following up. Who knows, they might have work for me. And I’ve been working with my current client, of course. This all seems to have kept me pretty busy. The Railway Rivals game ends this issue, so Mike is looking for players for a new game. Let me know or contact Mike directly. Let us know if you have any specific maps for the game or want to play a particular map – we should be able to provide working copies if necessary. Thinking about it, we could do with a few more players in Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses. We seem to be losing players slowly (one a month or so) and gaining new players even more slowly! So, recruit your friends. Stop Press: apologies to Odessa Steps players, but I haven’t received this turn’s star system map. We’ll have to wait until Mike returns from holiday. Nik Luker writes… Letters Great to see you offering games for sale again and very pleased to see the titles from Eight Foot Llama. I had the pleasure of playing Monkeys on the Moon with the guys from Eight Foot Llama at Essen a couple of years ago. A fine bunch of people, very enthusiastic about their products and prepared to spend any amount of time explaining rules etc. To cap it all, they also have a great sense of humour, which is reflected in their games. And, yes, I did buy a copy of Monkeys – it’s a neat little game with some clever mechanics and requiring a degree of resource management to win. Not Spiel des Jahres material, but anyone looking for something light and quirky won't go far wrong with this one. Interestingly, I don’t see the Eight Foot Llama games as that light. Even Who Stole Ed’s Pants? (which is a very silly game) requires some thinking. Monkeys on the Moon needs a whole lot more. And so does The Penguin Ultimatum. Page 3 TWJO 47 Games Notes September 2004 I mentioned last time that the Ragnar Brothers had released their new game, Viking Fury. I was quite taken with it, so I thought I’d tell you a bit more about it. As is usual with the Ragnars’ games, the board is actually a cloth (traditionally, this is referred to as a “tea towel”, but it’s rather more substantial and much larger than the typical tea towel). It shows Western Europe, but the significant things are the seas, rivers and coastal cities. TWJO 47 September 2004 assemble the forces you need and attack. So you can usually see an attack coming – though you may not be able to do much about it. Actions generally cost money as well. Another clever mechanic in the game is that you can always get more money. Presumably this is from raising taxes, as the effect is to increase the Unrest level in your Empire. At the end of the game, the players with the most Unrest lose victory points. The players are all Vikings, setting off from their bases in Denmark, Norway and Sweden to trade, raid and settle. Two sets of cards drive the game. The Saga cards are collected when particular trades, raids or settlements are completed. Some of these are worth extra points immediately, but all the cards count in the scoring at the end of the game. Running out of Saga cards is when the game ends. The other set of cards is called Rune cards. They generally allow the players to bend the rules in some way (such as moving further than they would usually be able to) or do something special. For example, causing an uprising in someone else’s settlement. Apart from the cards, there is no direct interaction between players – other than racing to complete a Saga, which happens occasionally. Viking Fury has a mix of points scoring: during the game plus extra points at the end. So you can’t be sure just how well everybody’s doing. It also allows players to pursue different strategies. I like it so far, but I’ll report further when I’ve played it more. You can get the game direct from the Ragnar Brothers. Contact them at www.ragnarbrothers.co.uk or gary.dicken@ ntlworld.com. I also mentioned that I’d had the opportunity to try out this year’s game from Warfrog. Struggle of Empires is scheduled for release at Spiel (late October). It’s about the rivalry between the European powers in the eighteenth century, which mainly concerns their various colonies – in the Americas, Africa, India and the Far East. So players are European nations, deploying ships and troops to build up their own colonies and do down everybody else’s. One wrinkle in the game is that the nations are grouped into two broad alliances and can only attack members of the opposition. Periodically, the alliances change and players bid on who goes into which alliance. Early on this doesn’t matter, but later it can be crucial to be able to attack somebody (or be safe from attack by somebody!). Players get two actions each turn, which include moving troops around and fighting battles. My experience is that you usually need three actions to Page 4 You need to work through the mechanics of the game carefully to understand it all as the details can be important. You need to get to grips with the board as well. It has a rather disjointed feel as it’s not simply a map of the world. What it does is concentrate on the areas that are important to the game. You should also note that it’s a fairly lengthy game – with six beginners, it took well over 3 hours, so I recommend learning with a smaller number. All in all, this looks like another good game from Martin Wallace and the Warfrog crew. However, if you’re a fan of Princes of the Renaissance (Warfrog’s 2003 release) you’ll get a strong déjà vu about this game – some of the mechanics will be very familiar from the earlier game. I’m told that this is because Wallace has been developing Struggle of Empires for many years. Bits of it have thus been re-used in other games before the original has seen the light of day! Page 5 TWJO 47 September 2004 I’ve caught up with Goa as well. This has been getting a lot of favourable comment since it came out. It is regularly compared to Princes of Florence, which suggests it’s my kind of game. The theme of the game is companies competing to exploit the eponymous spice-rich region of India. At the heart of the game is an auction, in which players bid for tiles off the board. The tiles provide plantations, free resources or victory points or let you do something. After the auction, you have three actions every turn – and can get more by playing cards. This goes round the table, each player carrying out one action, until everyone passes. Actions include producing spices, hiring ships, getting cash, drawing cards and improving your ‘technology’ levels. These let you produce more, hire more ships and so on. Each is also worth victory points at the end, as are cards and cash. Clearly there is scope for a lot of different strategies here, as each technology scores the same points for the same stage of development. You have the option of specialising in a particular aspect that you think is important. You are always limited, though, by the number of actions you can take each turn and the number of turns. Hence there is an aspect of planning what you need to do on each turn. My initial impression is that Goa is a good strategic game, though I’m not bowled over by it. I will definitely be playing it again – I think it needs several playings to get to grips with the way the game works. Goa was designed by Rüdiger Dorn and is published by Hans im Glück (in German) and Rio Grande Games (in English). In last issue I reviewed Ticket to Ride – this year’s Spiel des Jahres (Game of the Year) in Germany. There are four other games on the ‘nominated’ list from which the winner was picked. Dicke Luft in der Gruft: designed by Norbert Proena and published by Zoch. I don’t know much about this game, but apparently it’s a memory game with a vampire theme. Rio Grande Games is producing an English language edition as Dawn Under. Einfach Genial: designed by Reiner Knizia and published by Kosmos. This is a German edition of Mensa Connections, the game I saw (but didn’t get to try) at the London Toy Fair this January. The game is very abstract, using playing pieces that are two hexagons connected together. Each hexagon has a symbol in it and the pieces are played onto the board to match symbols. The aim is to add to groups of the same symbol, thus scoring points. However, the winner is the player who has the most points in the colour they have scored fewest points in. It sounds clever, but it’s really not my cup of tea. I’ve also been unable to find out who’s publishing it in the UK. Page 6 TWJO 47 September 2004 Raja was designed by Michael Kiesling and Wolfgang Kramer and is published by Phalanx. It is also available in English as Maharaja (not to be confused with the Maharaja published by Avalon Hill some years ago) from Rio Grande Games. I don’t know much about this one, though I’m told players travel between a number of Indian cities, building palaces for their Maharajah. Given the designers, it’s probably fairly abstract, rather cerebral and pretty good. It’s also one of the games for this year’s EuropeMasters tournament, so I shall be playing it sooner or later. Saint Petersburg was designed by Michael Tummelhofer and is published by Hans im Glück. An English language edition is published by Rio Grande Games (that’s 3 out of the 5 nominated games that Rio Grande publishes!). The theme of this game is the building of the eponymous city – Peter the Great’s “Window on the West”. This is essentially a card game as players build up arrays of cards to score points in the three different categories. It’s been well received by gamers, but it left me cold. Science Fiction One of the useful things about holidays is getting the opportunity to read books that are just too big to carry around when commuting. So, when I was in France in June, I read all 1113 pages of Ash: A Secret History by Mary Gentle. Published in 2001, my copy has been sitting in my reading pile for at least a year. But I’ve read it now. The first thing I had to deal with was the idea that the Ash in the title was simply an abbreviation of the rest of the title: A Secret History. Ash is, in fact, the main character in the book. She is a mercenary captain, leading her band of disparate, but relatively disciplined, soldiers around Western Europe. Most of the action takes place in 1476. Around this story we have a framing device to set things firmly in the current day. This is correspondence to and from Dr Pierce Ratcliff, the academic who has translated Ash’s story. He is excited to have got his hands on long-lost documents which allow him to shed light on a murky corner of European history. And he’s very pleased that he has a publishing deal for this material. The prologue introduces us to Ash as a child. She grows up within a mercenary band, living with the ever-present threat – and occasional reality – of rape and learning what happens when you’re on the losing side. Ash is different physically from the people around her – ash blonde, for example – though they’re such a mixed bunch she doesn’t seem to stand out any more than anyone else. Page 7 TWJO 47 September 2004 The main action of the story starts some years later when a still young Ash is now commander of her own company. An interesting mixture of mounted knights, arquebusiers, artillery and men-at-arms. They are in the service of the Holy Roman Emperor, Frederick III, fighting Charles (the Bold – or rash), Duke of Burgundy. This is the initial historical interest. Burgundy was a significant power in Western Europe, in opposition to France, but it disappeared from history after Charles’s death. With no heirs to the Dukedom, the French King re-asserted control and Burgundy was gone. The story is very detailed. It is written like a piece of fiction, complete with dialogue, and told from Ash’s point of view. As we read more of Ash’s story, elements begin to jar. As a reader, I assume that Gentle has done her research properly. Thus, anything unfamiliar is due to her knowing more about 15th century Europe than I do. Eventually, the strangeness gets overwhelming. (This is nothing new – I still remember the dislocation I felt when she started casually talking about the five points of the compass in Rats and Gargoyles.) Representatives of the Visigoth Carthaginian Empire, for example, which lies in “the Eternal Twilight”. Hmm, perhaps this is an alternative history. The Visigoths are accompanied by their golem. An animated hunk of stone. Okay, make that a fantasy alternative history. Now put that together with the academic discussions between the sections of the story and you have a real dissonance, which keeps going. And I have to say that after 400-odd pages I’d had enough. The Ash story was interesting, but I’d had about enough of the details of 15th century warfare and politics. The story didn’t seem to be going anywhere and the Pierce Ratcliff bits had just become irrelevant. I couldn’t see how they fitted with the bulk of the book. Then Ash goes to Carthage. And we discover things that pull the two disparate parts of the book back together again. What is more, there is a strong argument that this book is a work of science fiction rather than fantasy – despite the fact that 90% of the pages are, effectively, a historical adventure. Very clever stuff and I was completely hooked again. The only issue I have with the book is the final Afterword. One of the things I noticed about Grunts was that Gentle couldn’t bring herself to kill off her favourite characters. The premise of Grunts is that the main characters are all Orcs: nasty creatures who think nothing of eating each other, let alone killing each other. Gentle established this principle in the first couple of stories. Later on, however, favourite characters survive, however unlikely that might be. And so, again, in Ash. But it is only a minor issue. Overall, I think this is a fine book, well worth the time needed to get through those 1113 pages. Page 8 TWJO 47 Games Events September 2004 A reminder about Battlemasters, which takes place at Digby Hall, Leicester University over the weekend of 3rd-5th September. Expect role-playing, CCGs, computer games and board games. More information from the organisers’ website: www.eurolog.org. And then there’s GEN CON UK: now under new management and in the week before Spiel. It takes place at the Minehead Butlin’s (no, really) from 14th – 17th October. I anticipate an emphasis on role-playing and CCGs, but there will also be board games, computer games and miniatures. There will, of course, be a Trade Hall and special guests. There is plenty of information on the GEN CON UK website at www.genconuk.com. This box concentrates on games events I expect to attend. Swiggers: games club that meets every Wednesday evening (though December dates depend on venue availability) at the Bunch of Grapes, St Thomas Street, London SE1. Board games and occasional role-playing. No charges, all welcome. For more information, see www.pevans.co.uk/Swiggers/. Games Games Games Days: from noon(-ish) on the second Saturday of every month at the Duke of York pub at 35 New Cavendish Street, London W1. A day of board games, with those present covering the cost of the room and sandwiches. Maycon: a mixture of board games and role-playing over the May Day bank holiday weekend. There will be a new venue for the 2005 event. This convention is also the host for SpielChamps UK – The UK Board and Card games Championship and qualifier for the European Championships. For more details and a booking form, see www.maycon.org/. Spiel: the board games event of the year. Oct. 21st-24th 2004, at the Messe (Exhibition Centre) in Essen (Germany). Contact Friedhelm Merz Verlag, Postfach 210250, Bonn, 53157 Germany, www.merz-verlag.com/e/Spiel_e.html. MidCon: board games plus the UK’s National Diplomacy Championship. 12-14th November 2004 at the Thistle Birmingham City Hotel in central Birmingham. Entrance is £15 in advance, £18 on the door; accommodation is £75/night for a double/twin room and £47/night for a single room, inclusive of breakfast. For details: www.midcon.org.uk/. I won’t be along this year as it clashes with a weekend-long freeform game (The Siege of Troy) that I’ve signed up for. Credits To Win Just Once issue 47 was written and edited by Pevans. The LPBS masthead (page 16) is by Lee Brimmicombe-Wood, as is the illustration on page 22. The drawings on pages 18 and 20 are by Nik Luker and those on pages 19 and 21 by Tim Wiseman. Pevans took the photos. Page 9 TWJO 47 September 2004 This game is open to all readers – I guess most of you will know it. Each issue I will put up a couple of obscure words. Anybody who wants to participate writes in with fictional definitions for the words. I publish these, anonymously. Everybody votes for their favourite definition (a vote for your own definition will be ignored). Players score points according to how many people choose their definition. (In other games the definitions include the correct one and players get points for spotting it. However, it’s too easy to look words up in a dictionary, so I’ve left this out for this game.) We’ll run this for 10 issues. The winner is the player with the most points at the end. Voter Pevans Pete Holland Francesca Huskinson Colin Parfitt Barry Townsend Gerald Udowiczenko Pam Udowiczenko Scores from Round 3 E 8 8 1 F 7 2 4 1 3 8 8 6 4 8 1 Players’ Scores Here are the real This meanings of the words in Name Total round round 3. Emunctory (n): an organ (e.g. a kidney) or part of the body (e.g. the skin) that carries away body wastes. Fugacious (adj): 1 disappearing soon after appearing – used chiefly of plant parts (e.g. stipules) other than petals and sepals; 2 formal lasting a short time, fleeting. Guy Arnold Pevans Bill Hay Pete Holland Nik Luker Bill Michell Mark Moores Graeme Morris Neil Packer Colin Parfitt Al Tabor Gerald Udowiczenko Pam Udowiczenko 1 3 0 2 1 0 0 0 0 4 2 1 1 10 2 8 6 6 2 4 1 5 4 2 0 3 So now you know. The table above on the left shows which definitions people voted for last round. The table on the right gives the scores. Turn 4 Definitions Here are the definitions sent in for our next two words. Galimatias 1 A region of Asia Minor in the first century AD. The Galati were early converts to Christianity, but were repeatedly conquered by their more powerful neighbours. They were absorbed into what is now Turkey. The region’s only memorial is St Page 10 September 2004 Paul’s Letter to the Galati (in the Apocrypha). Fictionary Dictionary Votes on Round 3 TWJO 47 2 Adjective used to describe the behaviour of someone putting on a pretence of being gay, either because they believe it is trendy, or because they believe it actually improves their chances with the opposite sex. 3 The green liquid fermenting beneath the bag in the dustbin. 4 Describes the movement of someone’s eyes, when said person has lost the will to live during a conversation that has no foreseeable way out. Most notable during first dates that are going badly. Hodoscope 1 Derived from Norse mythology (Hod being the blind god of darkness). People would have a hod o scope done, to foretell the coming year. Alas, Hod being blind meant that his predictions were generally unreliable and contained many generalisations. In later years, their inaccuracies worsened and Hod wanted to distance himself from them. So he persuaded scribes to subtly change the spelling to what we know today. 2 Frightening medical implement, designed to help keep troublesome patients in line just from the sight of it. Although not actually intended for use, more awkward patients would be advised not to push their luck. HOD stands for horribly over-sized device. 3 An archaic instrument for assessing the capabilities of construction workers. It measured the size of the upper arm and thigh. The measurements were used as a basis for work assignments and replaced simple tests based on the number of bricks a man could carry. 4 A very accurate and rare form of fortune telling (e.g. “Today you will be hit by a bus – wear clean underwear; today’s lucky numbers are 7, 13, 21, 27, 31 and 42 (bonus ball 6).” So for the next deadline, I need you to: vote for your favourite definition of each word above and let me have your fictional definitions for the two new words below. The next words are: Irremeable and Kerygma. Votes and definitions to TWJO, 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF or TWJO@pevans.co.uk by Friday 10th September. Page 11 TWJO 47 September 2004 Odessa Steps Star Trader – Turn 14 “So we have an agreement?” The impassive GRAND LARS spokesbeing let a small smile play across its faces. Across the table the besuited humans from BLAND & BRASS checked with their Principal. “Yes, we can agree the transfer.” “So good to avoid the hustle of the Market.” “Your things?” “Will be at your warehouse in 20 tellars.” “The HectoTrans?” The GRAND LARS spokesbeing reached into a fold of skin and retrieved an isocube, then tossed it across the desk. “Paid in full, Gentlebeings.” At Beta Hydri INTERSTELLAR METALS sold 9 Isotopes at the price of 3 HTs and became Dealers. They will also doubtless be pleased to know that their Isotope Factories at Sigma Draconis are back on line once more, though company spokesmen would not give a firm assurance that they would continue to keep the production facility open. IM didn’t sell Petroleum, bidding 11, because KATKORP took the initiative, sold 6 for 11 HTs each before them and gained a Contractorship too. At Alpha Centauri, GRANDS LARS THENI bought 6 Liquor at 11 HTs apiece, possibly expecting to turn a profit and see the price rocket when TRANS SOLAR TRADING Inc. ramp the price next Quarter. But this is supposition. GRAND LARS will be happy adding a Dealership to their Market Positions. TSTI were selling Isotopes – 8 units for 4 HTs each – and acquired a Dealership as well. They then sold 6 Spice at 14 HTs each and got a second Dealership in the Quarter. IM sold a further 6 at the closing price using Percent. SWISS MERCENARY FLEET sold 9 Monopoles at a price of 14 HTs and became Contractors. Sigma Draconis saw GRAND LARS trying to sell Isotopes, but refusing to sell at a loss. They bought 4 Alloys for 4 HTs each instead. TOTAL TRANSIT 2070 sold 5 Monopoles for 18 HTs apiece. In Spice, INTERSTELLAR METALS bought 5 on Contract, and SWISS MERCENARY bought 1 on Contract. Monopoles were the big movers on Mu Herculis, as TSTI bought 18 for 14 HTs each, which made them sure of a Dealership. SWISS MERCENARY sold 5 on Contract, while a rare private deal took place as BLAND & BRASS sold 11 Monopoles to GRAND LARS for a grand total of 121 HTs. GRAND LARS then wanted to buy Petroleum, but the price slumped, allowing INTERSTELLAR Page 12 TWJO 47 September 2004 METALS to pick up 5 on Contracts at a lower price. IM also bought 5 Isotopes on Contract. TOTAL TRANSIT 2070 sold 5 Liquor on Contract here. Undoubtedly miffed by events last quarter, TRANS SOLAR TRADING INC dumped 14 Isotopes for 2 HTs each at Tau Ceti, regaining the Market Managership and undercutting IM’s bid of 4 to sell. KATKORP sold 5 units on Contract. KATKORP bought 14 Petroleum for 12 HTs each at Delta Toucanis, allowing IM to make a good profit selling 5 units on Contract. TSTI sold a single Isotope for 5 HTs. Epsilon Eridani saw GRAND LARS selling 7 isotopes for 3 HTs apiece. Then TOTAL TRANSIT 2070 sold 5 Liquor at a price of 18 HTs. The KAT sold 2 Petroleum for 14 each and had hoped to dispose of more, while THE UNIVERSAL’s sole trade of the Quarter was selling 6 Spice for 12 HTs each and a Dealership. Finally KATKORP Bought 2 Alloys at Gamma Leporis. Going Round the Corporations, TRANS SOLAR TRADING INC sold their 14 Monopole Factories and bought 16 Liquor Factories at Alpha Centauri. KATKORP sold their 10 Petroleum factories at Delta Toucanis, and repaid their bank loan. They then took out a new smaller – 300 HT – loan for 4 turns, bought 10 Liquor factories at Alpha Centauri, built a Warehouse at Mu Herculis and increased their Criminal Connections. SWISS MERCENARY bought 2 Monopole Factories at Mu Herculis and 2 more Liquor Factories at Alpha Centauri. Corporation Spokeswomen, speaking around large bars of chocolate, were at pains to make it clear that these two were for the Chairman’s special benefit. TOTAL TRANSIT 2070 bought a Petroleum Factory at Delta Toucanis. INTERSTELLAR METALS repaid their Loan, and took out a new loan of 249 HTs for 4 Quarters. A new Phoenix Cargo Ship, the Curium was laid down at Tau Ceti with A grade crew. BLAND & BRASS sold their Factory and Warehouse at Tau Ceti. GRAND LARS THENI equipped Midnight Duke with Passenger pods before running out of money leaving further re-equipping impossible to carry out. Page 13 TWJO 47 September 2004 Corporation Table Conn’n Levels Init Turn Corporation letter & Cash Rep’n Player name Bus Crim Pol Bid Order A Total Transit 2070 10 0 7 0 4th 337 40 Simon Burling New Expensive Weapons B 3 7 2 N 11th 67 33 Player wanted Bring I Empire C Trans-Solar Trading, Inc 10 8 6 7 1st 153 40 Jerry Elsmore D Interstellar Metals 10 5 5 3 5th 206 40 Paul Evans E The Universal 10 0 5 0 8th 329 40 John Harrington F Swiss Mercenary’s Fleet 10 0 10 0 3rd 435 40 Martin Jennings G Shylocks 10 1 3 N 9th 325 40 Andrew Kendall H KatKorp 10 3 9 5 2nd 62 39 Michael Martinkat J Bland & Brass 8 2 7 0 6th 283 39 Colin Parfitt L Grand Lars Theni & T Heft 10 1 2 0 7th 42 39 Ian Whitchurch M Tau Ceti Express 4 0 7 N 9th 494 40 Matthew Wale ‘N’ under Initiative Bid indicates No Move Received GM Notes and News Spice and Liquor are the legal Commodities that can be transported in Spaceships and do not take up any space. Piccolo hulls, which cannot have Cargo pods attached, can only carry this sort of goods. Any ship can carry these goods, even if they do not have a Cargo Pod. Tempus is the Illegal commodity that doesn’t take up space, but you need to have the Opportunity chit as well to buy it. If a Hull has a Pod capacity – the Phoenix for instance can have up to 6 pods – an Augmented Jump pod does NOT count towards the number of pods the ship can carry. (There are a number of people with one less pod on their ships than the ship can carry and I don’t know if this is deliberate.) If only one player says that he will carry out an agreement, the agreement does not take place. (Even if you insist that you have agreed it with the other player. It must be in both sets of orders.) If you increase Criminal Connections, your Reputation drops by one. This affects Reputation bonus at the end of each Quarter. Some people are trying to load their ships with too many goods (IM, you know who you are). I will decide arbitrarily which goods are actually loaded in this case. There were no new chits this turn. Current Chits (new ones in bold): Turn 15 C2 Turn 16 C3 Orders to Mike Dommett, 119 Victoria Road, ALTON GU34 2DD or by e-mail to mike_dommett@yahoo.co.uk by Friday, 3rd September 2004. Page 14 TWJO 47 September 2004 Would you like some Pork Chop with that Garlic? Railway Rivals 2 – Turn 12 Romanov Railways had better track for this last series of races and finished ahead of Ivor & Co. Impaler Trains got up to pip TTYF! Races Race Between TTYF! 36 11 – 53 +2 37 15 – S4 38 21– 43 39 24– 56 40 S6 – 62 20 41 32 – 44 42 36– 64 20-6 Total 36 RR 20 IT 10-1 10-2 5 10 +12 64 10-2 10-1 5 20 10-6 46 Builds HH +3 +3 6 I&C 10-2 20-3 10+3 38 Romanov Railways (RR), Red Nathan Richards Points: 276 + 64 = 340 Impaler Trains (IT) , Black Gerald Udowiczenko Points: 214 + 46 = 260 Ivor & Co (I&C), Purple Pevans Points: 277 + 38 = 315 Trains Take You Further (TTYF!), Blue John Harrington Points: 221 + 36 = 257 Huge Engines etc. (HEDGEHOG), Green Mark Jones Points: 72 + 6 = 78 GM Notes Game end statements for next time please gentlemen, and anyone who wants to play in the next game please notify me or Paul. Game end statements to Mike Dommett, 119 Victoria Road, ALTON, Hants GU34 2DD or by e-mail to mike_dommett@yahoo.co.uk by Friday, 3rd September 2004. Page 15 Games from Pevans TWJO 47 September 2004 Latest Additions Fraud Squad A deduction game in which players try to identify the who, how and where of a corporate fraud (think Enron!). A card game from Diet Evil (now Dancing Eggplant) Games. For 3-6 players, playing time 45-90 minutes: £6.50 (special price) Nobody but Us Chickens An entertaining game of bluff and doublebluff. Use your Fox to steal the Chickens and your Guard Dog to see off other players’ Foxes. A lightweight card game designed by Kevin Nunn and published by Diet Evil (now Dancing Eggplant) Games. For 3-6 players, 15-30 mins to play: £11.50 Coming Soon… The latest from Dancing Eggplant Games: Employee of the Month, a card game by Alan R Moon and Aaron Weissblum. The full list of Games from Pevans is on my website at: www.pevans.co.uk/Games/ or e-mail Games@pevans.co.uk. An order form is available on the website as well – and I’ll be adding online payment facilities in the near future. Alternatively, just let me know which games you want and where to send them (in the UK only). Tot up the prices, add 10% for postage and packing (to a maximum of £6.00) and send a cheque or postal order (payable to Margam Evans Limited) with your order to: Games from Pevans, 180 Aylsham Drive, UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF Games from Pevans is a trading name of Margam Evans Limited. Prices include VAT at the appropriate rate. Page 16 TWJO 47 September 2004 Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses 173 Being a postal game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once. If you’d like to play, you’ll need to subscribe to TWJO and pay the start-up fee (see back page). You will also need a copy of the rules to En Garde! – or at least access to a copy. Orders for May 1658 to Pevans at 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or lpbsorders@pevans.co.uk by Friday, 10th September 2004 April 1658 Ah, Paris in Spring… The season seems to have affected most of Parisian society, too, as very few of them turn up to their gladiatorial confrontations. One of the few is Charlemagne le Gosse. Let down by the non-appearance of Duvail de Fontaine, he only has Zachary The Money Goes to face. This will be a straight rapier fight, but The Money Goes has the advantage of greater expertise. Not to mention being rather larger than the slightly-built le Gosse. Sean Sondamour is le Gosse’s second and Fernand Louis Adelmo de Gaulle holds The Money Goes’s coat. Both men start cautiously with a parry – le Gosse uses the time to abuse The Money Goes as “a bully-boy who needs standing up to”. The Money Goes then attacks with a lunge. Le Gosse continues parrying and stops the blow. A riposte brings him first blood. The Money Goes ignores this scratch and attacks again with a slash, followed immediately by a furious lunge. The slash is enough for le Gosse, but he is still run through by the lunge as he surrenders. It is also rapiers at dawn for Gar de Lieu and Jean-Claude van Damme. The delicate van Damme looks at a distinct disadvantage against the medium build of de Lieu. However, de Lieu is carrying previous injuries that even things up a bit. Van Damme opens with a furious lunge, hoping to get in quickly with the initial lunge. It seems de Lieu saw it coming as his parry cancels the smaller man’s attack. He ripostes immediately and van Damme concedes the duel. Page 17 TWJO 47 September 2004 Heavy Liver Stan Dandy Liver is throwing his weight around again. First he leans on the Second Army commander’s Aide and forces him out of his job. The Second Army commander, General Abel Ringeur, does not appoint a successor. Jean Petit does not have the same influence as Liver. His call on the Frontier Division Adjutant to resign falls flat. He does manage to buy himself the rank of Colonel in the ALC, though. Captain Ced Deucer of the Cardinal’s Guard strikes out on his own. He puts together just enough influence to persuade the Captain of the Cardinal’s Escort to resign. Unfortunately he has little pressure to exert on the City Military Governor and doesn’t get the post. Then there is a concerted campaign against the three Army Adjutants. The Third Army Adjutant is Henry Tierry Christian’s target. His influence is persuasive, but not enough. On the other hand, the warrant he issues for the arrest of the Minister without Portfolio (Arts and Antiquities) is most successful. D Arth Vader pressurises the Adjutant of Second Army. He is also ineffective. The First Army Adjutant is coerced by that man Liver, with the support of Revaulvin d’Or. The joint approach works and their target quits his job. The First Army commander, General Claude Byacat, awards the position to RM Colonel Jacques Shitacks. What is happening in the Picardy Musketeers? Jean de Florette, Joseph de Veevre and Jacque Wabbit work together to make it almost certain that the junior Major will resign. He doesn’t. D Arth Vader shows them how it’s done. He has a word with the senior Major, who promptly quits. The Lt-Colonel attracts pressure from Jacques Shitacks and Orson de Combat, but brushes it off. After all this Jean-Claude van Damme buys his way to Major. De Florette is then appointed Brigadier of First Foot – thanks to a lot of influence from Alfonse Qué Holique – and makes de Combat his Brigade Major. New boy Denis Bone signs up with the Queen’s Own Carabiniers, courtesy of Henry Tierry Christian. He buys the rank of Private. Zachary The Money Goes recruits Fernand Louis Adelmo de Gaulle for the King’s Musketeers. He insists on being a Private, too. Sirius Chien doesn’t even manage that. He applies to the Dragoon Guards, but is turned down flat by D Arth Vader. Only one more unit volunteers for action on the front: the First Squadron of the Page 18 TWJO 47 September 2004 Princess Louisa Light Dragoons, led by their new Major, Jon Dam (financial assistance from Zachary The Money Goes). Brigadier-General Gar de Lieu also volunteers. In his case it is to lead a Battalion of the Royal North Highlanders. And Charles à Tanne announces that he’s fed up with Parisian society not talking to him and that he is retiring to his country estates. As a parting gift, he leaves a sum of money in trust for “any man that kills Coward”. The general reaction in Paris is “Charles who?”. Outside Liver While March was a month of parties, April is a month of sticking to your own club. Mostly. In the Fleur de Lys we find Alfonse Qué Holique, Co W Ard Extrème and Henry Tierry Christian. Pick a week and they are there. Ella Fant accompanies Alfonse; Polly Hydronne is on Co’s arm; and Henry has the company of Edna Bucquette. Stan Dandy Liver thinks he should be in the Fleur, too, Toadying to Co. Unfortunately for him, Co doesn’t appear to be aware of this. Stan stands outside the club for three weeks this month. Zachary The Money Goes gets it right, Toadying to Gaston de St Marque at the beginning of the month. The Minister of War and an unattached General together. Hmm… But perhaps they are discussing Gaston’s latest venture. He has sunk tens of thousands of crowns into constructing a horse racing track for Paris. D Arth Vader brings Bette Noire to the Fleur in week 1, where he and Henry exchange challenges. Their antagonism doesn’t prevent Chancellor Vader from handing over a few thousand crowns to CPS Christian. D Arth also despatches substantial sums to Co W Ard Extrème (Minister of State) and Stan Dandy Liver (Minister of Justice). And he nominates Stan as his favoured financier. Ah, the delights of high finance! And, lastly, Revaulvin d’Or passes the middle fortnight of April in the Fleur. Things are much the same at Bothwell’s – though with a slightly lower class of person, naturally. Here we find Beau Romir, Lokwot Isaw and Sean Sondamour in residence for the month. Frances Forrin joins Beau; Angelina di Griz accompanies Lokwot; and Sean has Lotte Bottle on his arm. Sean show Lotte what he’s made of by strolling over to the gaming tables and blowing his wad in one bet. Also at the tables is the Page 19 TWJO 47 September 2004 fourth couple in the club, Marc de Zorro and Guinevere d’Arthur. Marc seems to have some sort of system, as he lays a careful pattern of bets. Three wins, a loss and a cut leave him a few hundred crowns up. Marc and Guinevere return the following week, when Marc lays another series of bets – though at half the amount he was betting the week before. This time he wins two, loses two and cuts one for a small overall loss. Being occupied with his gambling, Marc doesn’t realise that Euria Humble wants to Toady to him. Euria spends a fortnight in the foyer. The crowd at Bothwell’s is augmented in week 2 by Beppe de Marko. He comes in with a big grin on his face, Jacky Tinne on his arm and a couple of bodyguards behind him. (Presumably Rene Ouai, Jacky’s previous beau, has a rather different expression on his face.) The two stay at the club for the rest of the month. Beppe is also pleased by having successfully bought a Bond in the Fleur de Lys (at a very hefty premium). No Liver Hunter’s is the exception, being the venue for Orson de Combat’s party in week 4. Orson has been in Hunter’s all month, accompanied by Lucy Fur. Sirius Chien and Emma Roides have spent the month there as well. Bud d’Wiser brought Leia Orgasma to the club for the first two weeks. And Jean Petit showed up with Maggie Nifisent in week 1. This caused a slight ruction as Jean and Bud took exception to each other’s uniforms. Things settled down once they had exchanged challenges. Jean P’s departure saw the arrival of Jean de Florette for weeks 2 and 3. This Jean’s only contretemps this month was with the Shylocks’ ‘boys’, who arrived at his lodgings to separate him from the money he owed. Plus interest. Then Orson launches his party, aiming to teach everyone the venerable game of Fizz Buzz. With Lucy at his side, Orson welcomes Bud d’Wiser and Leia, Ced Deucer and Henrietta Carrotte, JeanClaude van Damme, Jean de Florette, Jacques Shitacks, Jacque Wabbit, Horatio d’Escargot, Marc de Zorro and Guinevere, Marc O’Polo and Marie Antoinette and Sirius Chien and Emma. There are several choruses of “un, deux, trois … merde!” or “un, deux, fizz, quatre, buzz, six … sacré bleu!” until someone realises that one of the party has left and nobody can work out who it Page 20 TWJO 47 September 2004 was. Marc places a few bets while he’s there: two wins and a cut leave him ahead on the week and well ahead on the month. Before Orson’s party Marc O’Polo spends three weeks in the Blue Gables with Marie. Xavier 3sup brings Ophelia Derriere along in week 2. Ced Deucer arrives at the club the same week with Henrietta on his arm, having won her affections the week before. The two stay for another week before going on to Orson’s bash. The Frog & Peach has just one visitor: Horatio d’Escargot in week 3. And Red Phillips is home to Nom N Clature for the whole of April. Jacque Wabbit is there to start with – otherwise Nom has the place to himself. Poetic Liver Horatio d’Escargot moves around quite a bit this month. He is the only man in the gyms in week 1, getting a week’s practice with his two-handed sword. Then it’s a trip to the Bawdyhouses for some practice of a different kind. Jean de Florette was the first man in the Bawdyhouses, as he started the month there. After their various exploits in week 1, Charlemagne le Gosse, D Arth Vader and Jean Petit pass the rest of the month practising with their favourite weapons. Rapier for Charlemagne and sabre for the other two. Charlemagne is also pleased to be one of the two successful bidders for Bonds in the Fleur. Euria Humble and Xavier 3sup arrive in the Royal Marines’ gym in week 3 for two weeks’ practice with cutlass. Bud d’Wiser and Marc de Zorro also while away a week practising: with sabre and rapier, respectively. The visitors to the Bawdyhouses this week are Jacque Wabbit and Jean-Claude van Damme. Anyone would think that the red light district’s footpads have taken the month off. However they strike twice in the final week of April. First rolling Gaston de St Marque and then pouncing on Zachary The Money Goes. Both have empty pockets, though. Zack and Gaston seem to be doing everything together this month. After their Toadying in week one, they spend the next two weeks arguing on Kathy Pacific’s doorstep. Zack thinks he should have precedence as he and Kathy have been an item before. Gaston disagrees. Fernand Louis Adelmo de Gaulle concludes his month at the Bawdyhouses, having had Page 21 TWJO 47 September 2004 an unspectacular April. After completing his regimental duties as a Private, he discovers that he cannot rejoin the Frog & Peach having just resigned from the club. Some confusion there. At least he has done the King’s Musketeers a favour by finding them a new mascot: a piglet called Josie (see Press). Private Denis Bone also has two week’s duties to carry out – with a different regiment. This follows two unsuccessful weeks tramping round the residential areas with a wilting bunch of roses in his hand. Jacques Shitacks and Xavier 3sup have a noisy first week of April: quarrelling with each other on Frances Forrin’s doorstep. Jacques returns the following week, only to discover that Frances is out on the town anyway. His disappointment is rather vocal and he gets the heave-ho from Vera Cruz. Jean-Claude van Damme’s exploits become rather public, too, when he bumps into Jacque Wabbit outside Angelina di Griz’s place. Which is also empty. Other men who were unlucky in love are Revaulvin d’Or and, surprisingly, the poetry-reading Stan Dandy Liver. The subject of his poetry was not at home. TWJO 47 September 2004 Veevre stays securely in camp, but makes just as much money by backing General Rowbow. The odd cannonball comes in the direction of Frontier Regiment 4. Only one of them does any real damage, landing right on Louis de Ath. RIP. KM LtColonel Meaux Curlieunlaurrie keeps his head down and spends some time with the RFG Battalion of Lt-Colonel Harry Covert, where they serve a superb breakfast. Covert is as safe as houses and well fed into the bargain. Brigadier-General Gar de Lieu joins the RNHB and takes command of a Battalion. He spends the month drilling his new command. General Claude Byacat leads his Battalion into the attack. This brings him two Mentions and a few hundred crowns. A grateful monarch makes him a Count. Announcements Press DG recruitment drive Any honourable men who wish to join a superb regiment please contact DAV urgently, so you’re ready for next month’s big party. Devilled kidneys On the frontiers, the weather improves a bit, making military operations a bit easier. Mainly for the enemy. Frontier Regiment 2 gets mauled by an Austrian attack. General Abel Ringeur makes a brave stand, exhorting the troops to stand up for themselves against the tyrant. At least, that’s what his Mention in Despatches says. Major Jon Dam’s Squadron of the PLLD is attached and counter-attacks to good effect. Major Dam receives a pat on the back. General Marvin Leigh Rowbow, serving with the third Frontier Regiment, stands on the ramparts and harangues the enemy. He dodges the occasional musketball to gain a Mention in Despatches. He also wins the best part of a thousand crowns in wagers with the Frontier officers. 13F Major Joseph de Page 22 Royal Proclamation Abel Ringeur is declared persona non grata and all loyal subjects are ordered to apprehend the villain and turn him over to the authorities. † Le Roi To the Royal Marines Gentlemen: I am the proudest man in France this morning as I wake and find myself Colonel of such a great regiment. Our regiment’s history can be traced through the pages of history with great ease. All you have to do is follow the trail of our enemies’ blood as it drips through the parchment. Such brave Marines fighting for a proud nation and King. Yours, † Colonel Shitacks Matters of Honour To Jean Petit: Sir, I do not know you nor do I want to. Why then you choose to consort with my mistress while I am involved with public affairs is a mystery. What discommodes His Majesty’s servants affects the state itself and would be tantamount to sedition if it were not so ungentlemanly. Consider yourself challenged. † Revaulvin d’Or, Minister To The Crown Social Party, Party, Party Due to the distinct lack of parties, to celebrate my elevation to Viscount and to wish every one well in the forthcoming campaign season, I’ll be holding a party in May (all being well). All month, all welcome, all costs paid for. Oh and don’t forget to bring those lovely ladies. † Major Lokwot Isaw RFG Page 23 TWJO 47 September 2004 BIGGEST PARTY OF THE YEAR!!!!! To give everyone in Paris a view of what they can achieve with hard work and dedication I will be holding a ‘Personal Development’ party in weeks 2 and 3 of May at the Fleur, open to all gentlemen and their partners, all costs will be paid. Anyone not attending will be seen as social outcasts. † D Arth Vader (His Majesty has been sent a personal invite and we will be extremely honoured if he attends.) Party next month at Bothwell’s, weeks 3 and 4. All SL11+ welcome. Others please apply for special invitation. † Sean Sondamour Count Extreme’s Equestrian Challenge Chase In my capacity as Minister of Sports & Parties, I hereby announce a Horse Race open to all-comers to take place in Week 3 in May. I hereby invite all loyal and courageous gentlemen to celebrate inevitable victory over our enemies abroad by participating in this fast and furious event. † Revaulvin d’Or, Minister of Sports & Parties Wake for Sylvester di Stalloni 1st Week of May at the Fleur. All Friends & Family welcome (i.e. RM and PM – Only) † SDL Omi Palone will be holding a party for soldiers of breeding in week 3 next month. Invite Once more into the breach dear friends – for an Orson de Combat party at his club… bring the ladies – reintroducing 20 Crowns for best song – preferences to those submitted to me before the party starts… More Fizz Buzz… and introducing… Hovering Bunnies! SL 6 and over, all carousing costs paid. Nom N. Clature warmly invites all of Paris’s citizens to join him for a party at his club in the first week of next month. He will be delighted to talk with all persons of upstanding character and offers gratuitous refreshments. Over the past 7 weeks he has exhaustively researched the facilities at the club’s bar, and now feels sufficiently confident with them that he can host an engagement there. In honour of the formation of the new government, I hereby invite all Paris to a Military Bash and Banquet at the Fleur, Week 2 in May. Featuring a display of martial skills by the 13th Fusiliers, drinking contests and games of boules, using matchlock and cannon balls instead of the usual equipment. Your drinking and eating costs will be paid, mistresses are welcome – even the ‘ladies’ of the 27th Musketeers – and the dancing will go on all night. † Revaulvin D’Or, Minister of Galas, Boules & Balls Page 24 TWJO 47 September 2004 The Minister for Quality Quaffing would like to announce his first winetasting session. This will be for all gentlemen of SL14 and above and will be held at his club in week 4 of May. All costs will be met. Personal Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the gargantuan, ZTMG has a fashionable stomach. To the Honourable General Viscount Claude Byacat Sir, I would be overjoyed to serve as your Adjutant and the chance to learn from such a man as yourself. I thank you most profusely and will of course act as your second in all matters of honour. Your servant as always, † Colonel Jacques Shitacks Dear Editor, Who is this Orson de Carte who appears in your duelling report? Sir, this has happened once before. I am a good-natured chappie outside war and duels but, Sir, I give you notice that should it happen again, I may consider it a challenge to my honour. † OdC Mon cher Sir Orson, I can only apologise and assure you that I will do everything possible to avoid a duel make sure this doesn’t happen again. † L’Editeur I’m still trying to raise money to meet the King’s “request”. Donations gratefully received. † AR I’m afraid Coward Extrème’s rudeness to myself and other senior members of Paris has finally forced me to retire. However, I can promise the following. My Bankers retain funds amounting to 6000 crowns. These will be given to any man that kills Coward: in a duel or otherwise. Yours, † Charles (happy to speak to anyone) à Tanne General Rowbow, Although I was a little surprised to find myself joining you (got in the wrong coach, I think), it was a pleasure to assist you. Although you have all the luck with gambling. And now, I hope to get back to some serious drinking. † JdV When you bear in mind the habits of the regiment, it’s not surprising the King’s Musketeers are a dying breed. The Story: On his way towards the KM barracks FLAG stopped at a corner (in order to check the traffic before crossing the street) when a noise behind him made him turn round. A very young pig had escaped its sty and was having it away on its trotters, squeaking shrilly. A huge dog (FLAG thought it might be an Illyrian mastiff – the kind that usually has to wear a collar with iron spikes) was in pursuit, barking loudly. “This little guy deserved more from life than to end his days between the jaws of that dog,” thought FLAG. When the piglet was almost past him he snatched it by the scruff (plenty of loose skin there). Page 25 TWJO 47 September 2004 The dog shot past them, right into the street, and was promptly mangled by the wheels of a passing carriage! At the gate of the King’s Musketeers’ barracks FLAG hid the piglet under his cloak. While he was waiting for his orders to be written fair, the dratted animal escaped again … and darted straight into the CO’s office. No dogs there, thank God, but after a while ZTMG came out, holding the pig. “Who brought this?” “I did, Sir,” quavered FLAG. “Well done, er, Private de Gaulle! The KM always had a regimental mascot. Does it have a name?” “No, sir, I only just…” “Right. In that case we’ll call her Josie. Welcome to the regiment!” Primus: This wine must be good, it’s been approved by the Minister for Quality Quaffing. Secundus: I wouldn’t be too sure, if I was you. Primus: Why? Secundus: Well AQH will drink anything that’s got alcohol in it! Gentlemen and others It has come to my attention that the King has started acting unreasonably. He has started making excessive demands from individual citizens that are beyond the ability of said citizen to meet. Next time, it could be you. Are you happy about this? † The People’s Friend To Brigadier Marquis Stan Dandy Liver Sir, as promised I shall use what influence I have to remove that incompetent Lt-Colonel in the Picardies. I hope this helps your man. As always yours, † Colonel Shitacks Could it not be agreed that a competition could be held to decide which is the most beautiful of the ladies of Paris (after Her Majesty, of course)? Their gallant defenders could fight duels to defend the merits of their loves. A maximum amount of blood lost could be allowed to reduce the advantage that those born of part-human parents (yes, I’m thinking of you, Monsieur Vader) have in the ordinary run of events. What do people think? NNC, Welcome to the GDMD, I hope that you enjoy being in this fine regiment. I am sorry that I was not able to welcome you properly last month but I had some domestic things to attend to. † BdW Poetry Corner (All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP) I wonder if to the front I will fly If I drink my club’s bar totally dry? While some uncharitable folks May well continue to coax Me with gibes about alcoholism, I’d just like to now tell ’em That a discerning interest in Page 26 TWJO 47 September 2004 The nation’s best wine cannot be sinnin’. † Nom N. Clature, GDMD, c/o the Barman, Red Philips I want to cover your dumplings, In nothing but Liver stew, Whilst I munch upon raw Carrotte, And whisper my love for you. Oh, Henrietta, my darling, Let me be your Carrotte cake: I’ll spread you with cream, And I’ll jam you; All for our pleasure’s sake. † SDL Sweet ladies of Paris so suave and sublime, I respect and worship you all, just given the time. If your men folk ignore you and just use you at night, Inform me: I’ll fight them and then treat you right. My words can be muddled and my head feels fazed – All your beauty and charm, I’m still just amazed. I’m well known in Paris and don’t fear a soul, But if you dishonour a lady, I’ll watch your head roll. † SDL New Rules: Horse races Some time ago, Nathan Richards sent me some very comprehensive rules for adding horse racing into LPBS (breeding and training, sponsoring races, presenting horses and running races). I came to the conclusion that these were too detailed for me to implement quickly, so they went on the back burner. Then Jerry Spencer came up with a suggestion for running horse races. I put Jerry’s ideas together with Nathan’s, tweaked the result and have come up with the following. These take immediate effect and we’ll see how they work out. Comments are welcome. Sponsoring a race Members of Parisian society may sponsor horse races in which gentle- men compete with each other (in other words, these are amateur races in which characters ride their own horses: no thoroughbreds, no jockeys). The cost of putting on a horse race is a minimum of 1000 crowns, but may be increased (in increments of 100 Crowns) with no upper limit. 50% of this will go to the owner/rider of the winning horse, 25% to second place and 10% for third place. The remaining 15% is paid for the use of the racetrack (i.e. it goes out of the game). Attending the race Characters may attend the race as spectators. This is treated as Toadying to the sponsor at his club and takes a week’s action. They may, of course, carouse, bring their mistresses and gamble, as normal. Page 27 TWJO 47 September 2004 There is no organised betting on the results of the race: gentlemen are free to wager amongst themselves as they wish. (A bet needs to be in both/all players’ orders.) So, Pierre has an MA of 4, base Expertise of 16 and Endurance Class of 4. This gives him a base speed of 5 for his horse, +2 for skill and -1 for weight to give him a speed of 6. Entering the race Results of the race Entrants Toady to the sponsor, as above. If they don’t (or can’t), they can’t take part in the race. In addition, they pay the sponsor a fee of 50 crowns. The sponsor gets 1 SP for every entrant. Horse race attributes MA Base speed 3 4 5 6 7 The base speed of a 1 character’s horses 2-3 depends on his 4-5 Military Ability as the 6-8 table (right) shows. 9+ Characters who are members of cavalry Regiments or Brigades add 1 to the base speed of their horses (they are deemed to know more about horses). Members of the Royal Marines subtract 1 (boats yes, horses no). Each character has a riding skill modifier, which depends on his base (not earned) Expertise. See the table on the right. EC 1 2 3 4 5 6 Weight mod +3 +1 0 -1 -2 -3 Expert- Riding ise skill 3 -3 4-5 -2 6-8 -1 9-12 0 13-15 +1 16-17 +2 18 +3 Each character also has a weight modifier, which depends on his Endurance Class and is shown to the left. The race is worked out by rolling 2d6 for each entrant. To this total is added his horse’s base speed, modified according to the skill and weight of the rider. The highest score wins – dead heats are possible – next highest is second and so on. For example, Pierre rolls a 9, to give him a total of 15 for the race. He beats Bertrand, whose speed is 8, but rolls a 6 (= 14). In third place is Michel with a speed of 6 and a roll of 5 (= 11). The winner of the race gets 50% of the amount put up by the sponsor plus 1 SP for every participant in the race. Second place gets 25% of the money and SPs equal to half the number of entrants in the race (rounded down). Third place gets 10% of the money and 1 SP. (If only two horses run, there is no third place prize.) After the race, the GM rolls three dice for each horse: on a 3 or 18 (roughly 1/100), the horse is injured and has to be put down. If this takes the character below the minimum number of horses required for his rank, he has three months to buy himself a new horse or he will lose the rank. Page 28 TWJO 47 September 2004 Points Arising We could do with a few more players in Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses. We seem to be losing players slowly (one a month or so) and gaining new players even more slowly. So, recruit your friends! OP Omi Palone (Mike Dommett) has NMR'd. Total now 1 X2 (Mark Jones) has NMR'd. Total now 1 After the success of last month’s sale of Bonds in the Fleur de Lys, a private gentleman has approached stockbrokers Filthy, Rich and Loaded to sell some more Bonds on his behalf. Bids in excess of 1500 Crowns are invited. Brian Niemi (JoR) is away on a course “with little or no internet access…” and has been floated at his request. Solicitors Saisir et Courir have charge of the trust fund established by Charles à Tanne. The fund will be paid out on the death of Co W Ard Extrème, but will diminish due to the costs of maintaining the fund. The balance stands at 5940 Crowns. Next month is the last of the season. The following didn’t send any orders and suffered the consequences: DdF Duvail de Fontaine (Simon Burling) has NMR'd. Total now 1 HC Harry Covert (James Guiton) has NMR'd. Total now 1 LdA Louis de Ath (Russell March) has NMR'd. Total now 2 and is sent to a Frontier regiment LdE Lucien d'Escaillehuitaillement (Nik Luker) has NMR'd. Total now 1 MC Meaux Curlieunlaurrie (Wayne Rutledge) has NMR'd. Total 1 IMB (Chris Boote) was floated at his request. RO (Peter Denison) has been floated due to computer problems. (He has no browser and he must surf!) Reminders: It is worth sending orders in even if they’re a day or two late: I may be able to action the orders and will probably be able to use any press. It also reassures me that you’re still there. You are welcome to submit orders and press by e-mail. Getting your press this way is particularly helpful. Send your orders to lpbsorders@ pevans.co.uk and you’ll get an automated reply when your message arrives in my mailbox. Please give your name and your character’s name and specify actions in full (since it’s without your character sheet). Attached files should have your character ID and the month in the name. If you want queries answered before the deadline, e-mail LPBS@pevans.co.uk. P Page 29 TWJO 47 September 2004 Announcements Denis Bone applies for Aide to Brigadier Jacques Shitacks asks NPC Lt.Colonel of Picardy Musketeers to resign Stan Dandy Liver asks NPC Lt.Colonel of Princess Louisa Lt Dragoons to resign Stan Dandy Liver asks NPC Lt.Colonel of 27th Musketeers to resign Stan Dandy Liver asks NPC Division Adjutant of Cavalry Division to resign Stan Dandy Liver asks NPC Brigadier of Guards Brigade to resign Stan Dandy Liver asks NPC Army Commander of Third Army to resign Stan Dandy Liver applies for Brigadier of Guards Brigade Results of this month’s duels: Beppe de Marko (Sabre, Seconds HTC & ZTMG, adv.) has cause with Rene Ouai (Rapier, 1 rests) for pinching Jacky (and vice versa for pinching Jacky). Jacques Shitacks (Cutlass) and Xavier 3sup (Cutlass, adv.) have mutual cause as neither stood down over Frances. Bud d'Wiser (Sabre, adv.) and Jean Petit (Sabre, 2 rests) have mutual cause for being in enemy regiments. D Arth Vader (Sabre, 3 rests) and Henry Tierry Christian (Sabre, adv.) have mutual cause for being in enemy regiments. Gaston de St Marque (Rapier, Seconds OdC & ZTMG, 3 rests) and Zachary The Money Goes (Rapier, Seconds FLAG, adv.) have mutual cause as neither stood down over Kathy. Jean-Claude van Damme (Rapier, 1 rests) and Jacque Wabbit (Cutlass, adv.) have mutual cause Duels Charles à Tanne didn't turn up to fight Stan Dandy Liver and lost SPs. Duvail de Fontaine didn't turn up to fight Charlemagne le Gosse and lost SPs. Zachary The Money Goes (with FLAG, gains 1 Exp) beat his enemy Charlemagne le Gosse (with SS). Henry Tierry Christian didn't turn up to fight D Arth Vader and lost SPs. Revaulvin d'Or didn't turn up to fight Jean Petit and lost SPs. Gar de Lieu (gains 1 Exp) beat his enemy Jean-Claude van Damme. Grudges to be settled next month: Horatio d'Escargot (2-Hand, adv.) and Jean ou Rous (Rapier, 3 rests) have mutual cause as neither stood down over Jane. Page 30 TWJO 47 September 2004 as neither stood down over Angelina. Revaulvin d'Or (Rapier, Seconds OP) challenges Jean Petit (Sabre). “Adv.” Indicates player with the advantage in Expertise: his first duelling sequence need only contain six Actions. Duels held over until June: Abel Ringeur versus D Arth Vader. Challenges to be voted on: Revaulvin d'Or challenges Jean Petit for stealing Maggie. All duels (including any to be voted on) must be fought next month unless held over due to one or other duellist being at the Front. Orders conditional on a challenge being voted cause are acceptable. Trial The Commissioner of Public Safety, Count Henry Tierry Christian, has arrested an NPC Minister without Portfolio. This unfortunate will be put on trial at the start of next month, with the Minister of State, Co W Ard Extrème, presiding. Players are welcome to submit pleas and press about the trial, but I suspect that these won’t have much effect on CWAE and HTC… New Characters Russell March gets the First son of a very wealthy Viscount: Init SL 11; Cash 825; MA 5; EC 2 (X1). Tables Other Other Appointments Appointments King’s Escort: Ensign N Captain BR Cardinal’s Escort: Ensign N Captain __ Aides: to Crown Prince N to Field Marshal EH Provincial Military Governors: RO/N/N/N/N City Military Governor N Adjutant-General N Inspectors-General: of Cavalry N of Infantry N Commissioner of Public Safety HTC Chancellor of the Exchequer DAV Minister of Justice SDL Minister of War ZTMG Minister of State CWAE Shows who holds appointments outside military units: ID for Characters, N for NPC, __ for vacant, CPS for additional posts held by the CPS. Page 31 TWJO 47 September 2004 TWJO 47 GdLi CBy Also at the Front This table shows the Colonels of Frontier regiments (N + MA for NPCs), together with the volunteers assigned this season. Page 32 N2 N4 N2 N5* N6+ QOC HTC N6 N3+ N5 N3* N4 N2 N5 1 Bn RFG 3 Bn 4A MC Entries are Character abbreviations, N (+ Military Ability) for NPC, blank for vacant, * shows the regiment adjutant. + shows ranks held by characters with a brevet rank or an appointment elsewhere. MLR JdV RNHB N7 KM DG ZTMG DAV ClG MC N6 N2 N3 N6 N3 CD N1 N2 N2 N3* N3 N6* N4* 2 Bn 4A 1 Sqn PLLD AR F4 N1 CG Attached (Siege for Mar-May) RFG AQH HC LI MdZ+ BR N2 N6* N1 Colonel F3 N2 Col LCol Maj Maj Capt Capt Capt Capt Capt Capt Frontier Regiments F2 N1 N1 N3 N3 N4* Regiments Organisation ALC CPC JP BdM Entries as Army Organisation Table JdV+ JD N4 N3 N6 N1 N1 N3 N2 N5* N5* N4 27M Organisation and Deployment for the Campaign Season plus Army and Division posts (CO/Aide/Adj’t/QMG): ID for chars, N (+ MA for CO and Adj’t) for NPC, __ for vacant 13F PLLD 53F RdO N5 Guards Brigade N4/N/MdZ Horse Guards Brigade N2/N/N3 Army Organisation and Heavy Brigade SS/N/N6 Summer Dragoon BrigadeDeployment N2/N/N4 First Foot Brigade JdF/DdF/OdC Brigade Positions Second Foot Brigade __/__/JdV Third Foot Brigade N4/N/MOP Frontier Regiments Fourth Foot Brigade N1/N/__ RM GDMD PM JS BdW JdF+ EH N2 X3 N4+ N2* OdC+ JCvD JW N6 N5 N2 N3 N3 N6* N2 N2 N3* N2 NNC Brigade Positions Regiments Organisation First Army (Defence) CBy/X3/JS/__ Guards Brigade (Defence) – RFG CG KM Second Army (Assault) AR/__/N1/N First Division (Assault) N2/N/__ 1st Foot Brigade (Assault) – RM PM 2nd Foot Brigade (Assault) – 13F 53F Second Division (Assault) N4/N/JP 3rd Foot Brigade (Assault) – 27M 4A 4th Foot Brigade (Assault) – 69A Gscn Frontier Division (Assault) __/__/N3 Frontier Regiments (Assault) Third Army (Field Ops) N5/N/N2/N Cavalry Division (Field Ops) N1/N/N3 Horse Guards Brigade (Field Ops) – DG QOC Heavy Brigade (Field Ops) – ALC CPC Dragoon Brigade (Field Ops) – GDMD PLLD Frontier regiment 1: 3 Frontier regiment 2: 5 Frontier regiment 3: 3 Frontier regiment 4: 3 RNHB regiment: 4 Hell Hath no Furry… 4A 69A Gscn GdLi JoR N6 N4 N5 N2 MOP+ N6 N5 N4 N2 N2 N3 N5 N1 N6 N2 N2 N1 N4 N6 N3 N3 N3* N3* N2* N5* Battle Results Army Organisation and Summer Deployment F1 N2 September 2004 No Name 61 Bette Noire 64 Edna Bucquette 3 Kathy Pacific 35 Katy Did 42 Maggie Nifisent 55 Jacky Tinne 60 Polly Hydronne 52 Guinevere d'Arthur 10 Frances Forrin 48 Fifi 16 Ophelia Derriere 26 Ella Fant 27 Lucy Fur 30 Leia Orgasma 45 Cath de Thousands 8 Lotte Bottle 12 Charlotte de Gaulle 17 Henrietta Carrotte 28 Vera Cruz 31 Bess Ottede 1 Sue Briquet 4 Anne Tique 9 Deb Onairre 40 Sheila Kiwi 63 Carole Singeurs 20 Emma Roides 33 Anna Rexique 38 Pet Ulante 43 Di Lemmere 53 Angelina de Griz 56 Ingrid la Suede 51 Jane Lapotaire 57 Ava Crisp 59 May Banquot l'Idee 2 Betty Kant 19 Jenny Russe 32 Sal Munella 41 Marie Antoinette 47 Eve Ningalle 49 Mary Huana 34 Freda de Ath 39 Thomasina Tancenjin 50 Ulla Leight 5 Belle Epoque 13 Josephine Buonoparte 24 Violet Bott 15 Ada Andabettoir 25 Lois de Low SL 19 18 17 16 16 16 16 15 14 14 13 13 13 13 13 12 12 12 12 12 11 11 11 11 11 10 10 10 10 10 10 9 9 9 8 8 8 8 8 8 7 7 7 6 6 6 5 5 Attr W W B I B W B/W B B/W Last DAV HTC JP BdM CWAE MdZ BR B B B X3 AQH OdC BdW B SS I/W CD I/W B W I I I W I B SC LI B/I/W I I W W B/I MOP I/W B/I/W W I I B/I I/W I/W B/I B This table shows the mistresses in Paris. B=Beautiful, I=Influential, W=Wealthy, Last = Last lover seen with this month Page 33 Name SL Bud d'Wiser 11 Sir Gar de Lieu 11 Jean de Florette 11+ Jacques Shitacks 10 Meaux Curlieunlaurrie 10 Joseph de Veevre 10 Ced Deucer 9 Sirius Chien 9 Lucien d'Escaillehuitaillement 8Duvail de Fontaine 8 Marc O'Polo 8+ Louis de Ath 7 Jean-Claude van Damme 6 Jean ou Rous 6 Fernand Louis Adelmo de Gaulle 6 Jacque Wabbit 6+ Horatio d'Escargot 5 Jon Dam 5 Nom N Clature 4 Denis Bone 32Ivan de Maphril en Bleubréille 2 ID BdW GdLi JdF JS MC JdV CD SC LdE DdF MOP LdA JCvD JoR FLAG JW HdE JD NNC DB X2 IMB Page 34 Page 35 Major PLLD Captain GDMD Private QOC RP F&P RP RP F&P F&P Major PM B.Bdr-General Gscn Private KM Captain RM/Bdr's Aide (SDL) 6 4 5 6 4 5 4 3 3 2 Club Hunt Hunt Hunt Hunt Hunt Hunt BG Hunt BG BG BG 1 2 4 2 3 1 5 5 3 3 EC 2 4 4 4 2 5 3 4 4 1 4 Player Francesca Huskinson Bill Hay Robert Carter David Olliver Wayne Rutledge Andrew Kendall Nigel Monaghan Paul Wilson Nik Luker Simon Burling Kevin Morgan Russell March Pam Udowiczenko Brian Niemi HaJo 'Red' Schlosser Terry Crook Graeme Wilson Ben Brown Richard Huzzey Timothy Hunt Mark Jones Chris Boote Club EC Player Flr 4 Bill Michell Flr 3 Benedikt Löwe Flr 3 Martin Jennings Flr 4 William Steven Flr 4 Gerald Udowiczenko Alan McTernan 5 Ella Flr 5 Tym Norris 12 Edna Flr 3 Matthew Shepherd 12 Bette Flr 6 Michael Blasebalk 8 Flr 4 Guy Arnold 8 Flr 2 Neil Packer 15 Jacky Both 2 Mark Moores 9 Flr 3 Nathan Richards 13 Angelina Both 3 Barry Townsend 3 Lotte Both 2 Pete Holland 3 Both 4 Mike Dommett 12 Both 2 James Guiton 4 Frances Both 3 Graeme Morris 3 Guinevere Both 5 Colin Parfitt 1 Both 5 Peter Denison 7 Flr 4 Jerry Spencer 4 Lucy Hunt 5 Francesca Weal 4 Maggie Hunt 4 Pete Card 4 Ophelia BG 5 Mark Mortimer 7 Hunt 5 Matthew Wale MA Last seen 11 5 Polly 11 8 11 MA Last seen 8 Leia 3 4 3 6 3 5 Henrietta 3 Emma 3 Subaltern KM/Bdr's Aide (1 F Bde) 5 Major 27M/3 F Brigade Maj. 5 Marie Rank, Regiment/Appointment Colonel GDMD B.Bdr-General 4A B.Bdr-General PM/1 F Brigadier Colonel RM/1st Army Adjutnt Lt.Colonel KM Major 13F/2 F Brigade Maj. Captain CG/Bdr's Aide (RdO) B.Bdr-General RFG/Min w/o Port B.Bdr-General QOC/CPS Colonel DG/Chancellor Bdr-General/Justice Min. Lt.Colonel CG/Gen's Aide B.Bdr-General CPC B.General Major RFG/Gen's Aide B.Lt-General/Hvy Brigadier B.Lt-General/Min w/o Port Lt.Colonel RFG Captain RFG/Capt.K's Esc Major RFG/Gds Brigade Maj. B.Lt-General/Prov.Mil.Gov B.Bdr-General 13F/Min w/o Port Major RM/1 F Brigade Maj. Colonel ALC/2nd Div Adjutant Major RM/Gen's Aide (1st Army) Lt.Colonel RM/FMshl's Aide Rank, Regiment/Appointment General/2nd Army Commndr Fld Marshal/State Min. General B.General/1st Army Commndr B.Bdr-General KM/War Minister The Greasy Pole SPs Cash 22 Comfy F Poor 33 Comfy 27 Comfy F Wlthy F Comfy 28 Poor 13 OK 2 Comfy 10 Comfy 29 Comfy RIP 13 OK 9 Comfy 6 OK 32 Wlthy 12 OK F OK 12 Poor 1 Poor 2 Poor 0 Poor SPs Cash F Poor 76 Wlthy F Rich F Rich 83 Wlthy RIP 67 Rich 19 Flthy 50 Rich 56 Wlthy 45 Rich 57 Flthy 40 Wlthy 52 Rich 51 Rich 46 OK F Wlthy 45 Wlthy 37 Comfy 27 Comfy 26 Comfy 52 Wlthy 39 Comfy 30 Wlthy 29 Comfy September 2004 TWJO 47 An F under SPs means that the character was at the Front, RIP means that he died. + against SL means it went up this month, - means it went down. Cash: Poor = <500, OK = 500-1500, Comfy = 1500-5000, Wlthy = 5000-10000, Rich = 10000-25000, Flthy = 25000+ Last seen is the lady the character was last seen with in public. EC is Endurance Class: 1 = <60, 2 = 60-90, 3 = 91-120, 4 = 121-159, 5 = 160-200, 6 = 201+ Name SL Count Abel Ringeur 27 Count Co W. Ard Extrème 25+ Count Marvin Leigh Rowbow 24 Count Claude Byacat 24 Count Zachary The Money Goes23+ Earl Charles à Tanne 22 Baron Alfonse Qué Holique 22+ Count Henry Tierry Christian 21Count D Arth Vader 21 Marquis Stan Dandy Liver 20 Baron Charlemagne le Gosse 20 Viscount Beppe de Marko 19+ Earl Gaston de St Marque 17 Viscount Lokwot Isaw 17+ Sir Sean Sondamour 17+ Baron Omi Palone 16 Marquis Harry Covert 15 Baron Beau Romir 15+ Marc de Zorro 13 Rene Ouai 13 Revaulvin d'Or 13 Sir Orson de Combat 12+ Sir Jean Petit 12+ Xavier 3sup 11 Sir Euria Humble 11 ID AR CWAE MLR CBy ZTMG CaT AQH HTC DAV SDL ClG BdM GdSM LI SS OP HC BR MdZ RO RdO OdC JP X3 EH The Greasy Pole TWJO 47 September 2004