It’s All Been Done Radio Hour May 2017 Audition Packet Performance: Saturday, May 13th at 5:30 p.m. Rehearsals: Tues, May 2nd 6-8:15 p.m. and Sat, May 13th 3-5 p.m. ALL AUDITIONS MUST BE RECEIVED BY SUN, APRIL 9th AT NOON. The work in this document is copyright Jerome Wetzel and It’s All Been Done Productions. Copies may be distributed to other parties interested in taking part or auditioning, and we encourage spreading this document around for this purpose, but cannot be sold or posted publicly. You may retain this copy until April 9th, 2017. After that, all copies must be returned to Jerome Wetzel, James Dailey, or destroyed. If you have an electronic copy, please permanently delete by that date. Overview: It’s All Been Done Radio Hour is a monthly show approximately eighty minutes long, performed live in front of an audience and broadcast in podcast form. We will be performing at MadLab theatre in Columbus, OH. The Tuesday rehearsal will be conducted in the director’s house in the Galloway, OH area, and the final Saturday rehearsal will take place at MadLab. The show will be considered ‘PG-13’ rated, with swearing and adult content occasionally included, but not constant. Participants under 18 must have their parent’s permission to perform. We’re looking for people to bring their own takes to the roles. The success of this project will rise and fall based on the cast, so we want people who really breathe life into the parts and make the show better than what’s on the page (mainly sticking to the script, though improv is fine in rehearsal and in auditions). If your part is well received, it could turn into a recurring role or you may be offered other roles in the future, so there is opportunity for advancement. You may audition for multiple roles, and as often as you like. There is no cap to the number of shows you can participate in. Currently, only a nominal ticket price is charged, so no pay is offered. Should the show ever turn a profit, anyone still involved will get a portion of the proceeds to be determined based on amount earned, tenure with the show, and number of people eligible for pay. Costs to host the podcast, upgrade equipment, and rent venue (if applicable) will be taken out before profit is earned. At the end of the day, we are a fun group who just want to enjoy ourselves. We do take these performances seriously, but rehearsals will be minimal, so we’re looking for those who will be prepared and work without a ton of direction. If this is something you’d like to be a part of, we’d love to have you. To Audition: Please upload an audio or video file online and either email as an attachment or send links to email@example.com Please state in the recording what role you are auditioning for, and provide at least 30-60 seconds of sample dialogue, either from the script, improv-ed incharacter, or both. You may audition for as many parts as you like, and/or provide multiple auditions for the same role with different voices or approaches. You may also include voices that do not fit currently offered parts for consideration in future scripts. The more options you give us to work with, the better. While most characters are written as either male or female, they can usually be re-written for the right applicant. Please audition for any part that interests you. A major benefit of voice acting is that appearance, age, gender, and other physical characteristics are not taken into consideration when casting parts, so please don’t hesitate to send any audition you like. Any characters and story included in It’s All Been Done Radio Hour, whether created by you or by us, become the exclusive property of the production unless otherwise pre-arranged with Jerome Wetzel in written form. If you have not auditioned for us before, in the initial email please include: your first and last name, stage name if different, statement of parental/guardian permission (if under 18), phone number, whether that # accepts texts, preferred email address, statement of availability as it pertains to the performance and rehearsal listed above or any restrictions on such, and a list of parts you’re interested in. Also, 1- 2 paragraphs giving your performance history and/or why you’d like to be involved is encouraged. Communication with the cast will be primarily by email. Scripts will be written in Final Draft, but will be distributed in Word-friendly or PDF format. Paper copies to be used at rehearsal and performance will be provided by the production. There is no dress code for the performance. We encourage business casual or better, but you can perform in t-shirts and jeans if that makes you feel more comfortable. We will by no means ask you to wear a costume, but if you’d like to dress for your part, you are welcome to do so. Parts available this month: (Given that we have not released which segments will be in our show, these parts could be in any of our stories, and names and details in the audition scenes have been changed to obscure plot spoilers. They should still give you a basic understanding of the character, though. If you have any questions or would like further clarification, email firstname.lastname@example.org) Murphy – Irish, working-class, man or woman, bickers a lot with one particular co-worker. Don’t be afraid to get cartoonish with the accent. (Page 5) O’Toole – Irish, working-class, man or woman, eager, helpful assistant. Don’t be afraid to get cartoonish with the accent. (Page 6) Alex – A guy who makes bumper stickers and enjoys flirting crassly. (Page 7) Lucy – A CEO who tries to do damage control when her company screws up. Think Portia di Rossi in Better Off Ted. (Page 8) ***The roles below are for a segment set in Italy a couple hundred years ago. We’re going for over-thetop stereotypes.*** Gino – Italian orphan who thinks he’s bigger and tougher than he really is. Could be boy or girl. (Page 9) Josefina – Italian orphan who is shrewd and helpful, when she wants to be. Could be boy or girl. (Page 9) Raffaele – Italian, the inventor of the modern pizza, brilliant and arrogant. (Page 11) Leonardo – This role could be male or female. Raffaele’s assistant, who is encouraging, but not particular smart on his (or her) own. (Page 11) MURPHY AUDITION SCENE MURPHY Boss, the saw blade is too dull! It’s holdin’ up the line! STAN Boss, worse, the power is on the fritz! MURPHY The saw blade is more urgent! STAN No it isn’t! We need to stop the power from going out! MURPHY We can’t cut anything without swapping the saw blade. STAN But if the power goes out, the saw won’t work anyway MURPHY & RILEY (argue) FOREMAN Hold it. HOLD IT! MURPHY & STAN Sorry, sir. FOREMAN These are both problems that need addressin’ right away. Murphy, do we have a spare saw blade? MURPHY No, boss. FOREMAN All right. Then we need to sharpen it. MURPHY The sharpener isn’t working, either. FOREMAN Why not? STAN It’s broken. I’d deal with it, but the power… FOREMAN How the blazes did we get this far without a backup plan? MURPHY Well, you see, sir. Remember the really bad storms we had about a week ago? Lightening struck the building and fried the sharpener. FOREMAN Of course I do, Murphy. MURPHY And then our blade supplier put us on back order instead of delivering the last shipment. FOREMAN He put us on back order? MURPHY Yes, boss. O’TOOLE AUDITION SCENE O’TOOLE Aye, sir. What can I help ye with? FOREMAN Get me some of those bendable steel sheets, a bucket, and a torch and meet me at the fuel line. O’TOOLE Only take a second, sir. FOREMAN Good. Hurry. O’TOOLE (beat) Here you go, sir. FOREMAN All right. Help me with this. O’TOOLE Aye, sir, but I don’t understand... Oh, I see it now. But that shouldn’t... Ah, I wouldn’t have thought of that. But what are you... Genius, sir! FOREMAN O’Toole? O’TOOLE Yes, sir? FOREMAN Kindly shut up, will ye? O’TOOLE Of course, sir. FOREMAN Almost... there we go. Now just help me apply this, and hand me that, and... O’TOOLE Wow! It’s holding! I wasn’t sure that would work. FOREMAN Neither was I, O’Toole. Hold it all together for a minute until it dries, then we’ll test it. BIG BOSS Foreman! Is it fixed yet? O’TOOLE Almost, but we’ve got to let it set. BIG BOSS I didn’t ask you, and I need it now. O’TOOLE But sir! FOREMAN Whew! It works. STAN It’s back on! O’TOOLE You shoulda seen the foreman, Stan! He was amazin’! ALEX AUDITION SCENE CONNIE Hello, Alex. ALEX Well, hello lady! CONNIE I do not like your tone. ALEX What’s the matter with my tone? CONNIE It’s too sexual. ALEX But you... CONNIE Alex, tell us about the business you started. ALEX Oh, well, I have a bumper sticker start-up. We make all sorts of political slogans and jokes and such, as well as the typical Honor Student ones you see for local schools. CONNIE Fascinating. Tell me, Alex. Do you prefer to bump or stick her? ALEX Well, I have been known to do a little bump and grind in my day! CONNIE Gross. Don’t be crass. How sticky are your stickers, Alex? ALEX Very sticky! CONNIE Would they be good for bondage? ALEX Why? You into a little S&M, CONNIE? CONNIE If by S&M you mean sewing and making macramé, then yes. ALEX No, I meant... well, kinky stuff, you know? CONNIE I would never! ALEX But you just asked about bondage? CONNIE I do a lot of scrap booking, and I need good bonding in my books. Get your mind out of the gutter. ALEX Listen, you took it dirty first. CONNIE I would never! LUCY AUDITION SCENE LUCY Good afternoon. I am Lucy Palmer, CEO of CalPharma. Today, I am here to assure you of the good work our company is doing for Bakersfield, for America, and for the world. Now, admittedly, we have had some rocky times lately. One of our nationally available drugs did turn out be tainted. There was an explosion in our Greenville plant. And mutations in Saskatchewan have been attributed to radiation seepage from our waste dump in the area. But I can assure you, all of those have been dealt with in the most efficient and environmentally conscious manner possible. There is nothing to fear from CalPharma, and no indication that there will be any other such accidents in the near future. Now, there are rumors that we are only in business because we have bought off two-thirds of Congress and have replaced the president with an android version of himself that we control. But I say to you today, with all honesty and transparency, that nothing we have done is illegal. We are only looking out for the people who we share this wonderful planet with, and we will only work to make things better for everyone. GINO AND JOSEFINA AUDITION SCENE GINO Halt! PAT Aw, aren’t you just adorable! GINO Who goes there? I do not recognize you. PAT Stand aside, child. I am in search of pizza. JOSEFINA Pizza? PAT Yes, it’s a food. Bready and cheesy and tomato-y. GINO We know what a pizza is! PAT Excellent! Please lead me to it! GINO No! PAT What do you mean no? JOSEFINA Excuse Gino, please. He fancies himself a palace guard. PAT And who are you, dear, cooperative girl? JOSEFINA I am Josefina. And I am sorry to say that we cannot take you to the pizza. PAT Why not? JOSEFINA Senor Raffaele, the greatest pizza maker in all of Italy, is hard at work. PAT Ooo! The greatest pizza maker? This I must try! GINO You may not! PAT Get out of the way, child. GINO (growls) PAT And now it’s growling! Good lord! JOSEFINA Pardon, but Gino does not like being referred to as an ‘it.’ He is a he. GINO (grunts affirmation) PAT I have some candy in my pocket and I will give it to you if you point me towards the kitchen. GINO (instantly excited) Candy! Yes please! JOSEFINA I believe that we have a deal. The kitchens are just down this hallway there, turn left, you can’t miss it. GINO Candy! Candy! RAFFAELE & LEONARDO AUDITION SCENE RAFFAELE Leo! Leo! How many times do I have to tell you? Gentle with the basil! Gentle! LEONARDO Sorry, Master Raffaele. I will do better! RAFFAELE See that you do! This pizza must be perfect! Not one tomato out of place! LEONARDO Of course. PAT Are you the pizza maker? RAFFAELE Excuse me? LEONARDO Yes! This is Raffaele Esposito, the greatest pizza maker in all of Italy! PAT I’ll be the judge of that. RAFFAELE Send him away from my sight at once, Leonardo! PAT Raffaele and Leonardo! Are you Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? LEONARDO (interrupting) I’m sorry, but you must leave now. Master Raffaele must concentrate! He is having trouble! RAFFAELE Silence, Leonardo! Do not tell him our troubles! LEONARDO Right. Of course. PAT What seems to be the problem? RAFFAELE Oh, all right. I’ve hit a creative roadblock anyway. I must make the perfect pizza, but everything I try comes out wrong! PAT Well, what do you have so far? LEONARDO A brilliant concept! PAT Brilliant? Really? LEONARDO Oh yes! Master Raffaele wants to make his pizza resemble the flag of Italy! Red and white and green! RAFFAELE Yes. I have the tomato and the basil, but I just cannot think of something white! I’ve tried everything, and none of it tastes good on my pizza! PAT Everything? LEONARDO Everything! Egg whites, garlic, milk, sugar, lily petals... PAT Why don’t you leave that section just cheese? RAFFAELE Cheese? LEONARDO Don’t be stupid! No one puts cheese on a pizza! RAFFAELE (thoughtfully) Cheese... It has never been done! But... LEONARDO Master Raffaele, please no! We cannot take such a big risk on such an important task! RAFFAELE Silence, Leonardo! It is my risk to take, and I’ve made a career of taking risks! Fetch me some mozzarella at once! LEONARDO ButRAFFAELE No buts! At once, I say!
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