the book - Kristina Lane Relationship Coaching

the book - Kristina Lane Relationship Coaching
A"Note"From"Kristina"
What%if%you%could%feel%totally%appreciated%and%loved?%%
What%if%you%look%up%and%catch%your%guy%exuding%his%
adoration%for%you?%%What%if%the%warmth%coming%out%
of%his%eyes%was%always%in%abundance?%%What%if%you%
knew%that%no%matter%what%you%did,%he%would%be%
there%for%you?%%%
This!report!will!help!you!feel!exactly!that!with!your!
man.!!!
And!if!there’s!no!man!in!your!life,!this!report!will!
help!you!find!him.!!!
You’ll!feel!more!empowered!in!dating,!finding!a!partner!for!life,!!and!
turning!around!a!sour!relationship.!
And$those$changes$can$happen$fast.$$
I%know%because%that’s%how%it%happened%for%me.!!Less!than!a!year!before!I!
met!my!husband,!I!was!so!lost!in!my!insecurity!and!non@existent!
communication!skills.!!!
I!was!successful!in!my!studies!(three!graduate!degrees!)!and!a!corporate!
career,!which!required!good!communication!skills,!but!when!it!came!to!
guys,!I!felt!like!the!stupidest,!least!educated!person!in!the!entire!world.!!!
I!was!clueless.!!
For!so!many!years,!I!didn’t!feel!appreciated,!cherished,!and!loved!by!the!
men!in!my!life.!!Or!sometimes,!there!was!no!man.!!
Regardless,!I!so!often!felt!that!all!men!were!jerks.!!!
And!somehow,!at%the%same%time,!I!hoped!to!find!a!man!who!would!make!
me!happy.!!!
I!now!know!that!that!was!a!very!tough!task!for!any!man.!!!
!
1!
I%didn’t%know%how%to%accept%love%or%communicate%my%needs.!!No!matter!
how!good!the!man!in!my!life!was,!I’d!eventually!get!angry!and!resentful.!!
I’d!store!it!all!up!for!a!while,!pretending!that!everything!was!fine!and!
hoping!that!it!would!pass.!!!
Then!I’d!explode.!!!
After!each!disaster!I’d!start!suspecting!that!there!was!something!wrong!
with!me!and!feel!overwhelmed!by!fear!that!I’d!never!have!the!love!I!
hoped!to!get.!!!!
And$then$it$all$changed.$$$
With%a%few%“secrets”%I%learned,%I%started%calling%the%shots%with%men.!!!
For!so!many!women!those!“secrets”!are!no!secrets!at!all.!!But!if!you’re!
like!me,!your!whole!life!may!change!from!just!a!few!insights.!
The!“secrets”!opened!me!up!to!my!future!husband!and!helped!me!
inspire!him!to!propose!to!me!after!only!three!months!of!dating.!!!
The!“secrets”!keep!our!relationship!fresh!after!two!years!of!marriage.!!
The!“secrets”!turned!me!from!someone!so!lost!and!clueless!to!a!woman!
in!charge!of!her!love!life.!!I!want!to!share!those!“secrets”!with!you.!!!
Tonight,%you%may%be%preparing%for%tomorrow’s%corporate%meeting%or%you%
may%be%a%stay?at?home?mom%cleaning%your%kitchen%after%dinner%while%
your%husband%and%kids%watch%TV.%%%
If!you’re!unhappy!and!mulling!over!it!in!your!head,!I!know!I!can!help.!!!
No$matter$where$you’re$now$with$your$man,$or$men,$or$lack$of$men,$
it$can$all$change$quickly.%%%
You’ll!enter!a!virtuous%cycle,!where!you’ll!feel!more!and!more!
comfortable!with!men,!which!will!make!you!more!and!more!attractive!
to!them,!which!will!make!you!feel!even!more!secure,!which!will!just!
draw!men!in!.!.!.!
Love,!
Kristina
!
2!
SECRET"#"1:"Date"Like"Crazy"(Don’t"Skip,"Even"If"You’re"In"A"
Relationship"Or"Married"–"This"Secret"Will"Be"As"Useful"To"You"As"To"A"Single"
Girl)"
What$if$you$could$feel$totally$confident$
about$how$attractive$you$are?!!What!if!men!
were!just!drawn!to!you?!!
While!I’d!occasionally!get!approached,!I!often!
felt!totally!unattractive!and!even!invisible!to!
men,!especially!the!men!I!was!interested!in.!!
And!as!for!those!who!did!approach,!I’d!sometimes!give!out!my!number!
but!also!I!often!felt!angry!with!them!for!not!satisfying!my!requirements.!!
And!then!there!were!those!who!seemed!interesting!and!interested!but!
would!lose!all!interest!so!quickly.!!What!was!possibly!wrong!with!me?!!
Nothing!!
It"took"me"a"long"time"to"figure"it"out"but"it’s$not$who$we$are$that$
turns$off$guys$but$what$we$do.!!It’s!often!the!vibe!that!we!emit!that!can!
make!a!guy!feel!hypnotized!by!us!or!send!him!running.!!!!
About!a!year!before!I!met!my!husband!I!had!my!first!experience!with!
online!dating.!!While!I!was!getting!dates,!I!was!not!getting!any!second!
dates.!!At!least!not!with!anyone!I!wanted!to!have!a!second!date.!!!!
At!first,!that!made!me!feel!sad!and!insecure.!!!
Here’s!something!I!learned!a!few!months!into!the!process.!!Dating!isn’t!
ONLY!about!numbers!working!for!you!(the!more!you!date!the!more!
likely!you’ll!meet!Mr.!Right).!!!
It’s!also!about,!what!Rori!Raye!calls!“free!therapy.”!!!
Once%I%started%flirting%with%guys%instead%of%having%friendly%or%business?y%
conversations,%I%really%started%enjoying%the%whole%process.%%%
I!was!just!sitting!there!in!a!café!or!a!restaurant,!throwing!little!
challenges!at!the!man,!drinking!in!his!attention,!and!enjoying!his!little!
discomforts!and!growing!excitement.!!!
!
3!
Does!it!make!me!a!bad!person?!!Well,!eventually,!my!biggest!“victim”!
was!my!now@husband.!!Indeed,!he!occasionally!complains!how!he!felt!in!
those!days.!!!
But!mostly!he!tells!me!how!incredibly!happy!he!is.!!So,!here’s!the!thing,!
enjoying!yourself!is!not!“immoral.”!!!
And!guys!actually!like!the!chase,!so!even!those!little!discomforts!may!
feel!quite!wonderful!to!them.!!(More!on!“morality”!in!secret!4).!!
When!I!just!started!dating!online,!I!was!always!perplexed!by!a!phrase!
that!many!guys!posted!on!their!profiles.!!!
They!looked!for!a!girl!who!would!challenge!them.!!I!so!wondered!at!the!
time!what!they!meant.!!!
Did!they!actually!want!a!girl!to!make!them!jump!through!the!hoops?!!
Pretty!much,!yes.!
What!if!you!feel!that!excitement!of!a!man,!maybe!even!the!man!you!
know!you’re!not!interested!in?!!!
What!if!you!put!all!judgment!aside,!and!enjoy!the!attention?!!!
You’ll%feel%so%powerful,%so%confident%in%your%looks%and%charms.!!It’s!almost!
addictive.!!Even!if!you!dread!dating!now,!you!might!find!that!you’re!
looking!forward!to!dates!once!you!learn!how!to!enjoy!them.!!!
One!big!thing!here!is!to!take!a!date!for!what!it!is.!!
For!just!an!hour!that!you!spend!with!a!guy!who!you!barely!know,!try!to!
have!as!much!fun!as!possible.!!!
Try!to!drink!in!as!much!adoration!and!desire!from!this!guy!as!he’ll!give!
you.!!
Even!if!you!know!from!the!first!minute!you!see!him!that!he’s!not!the!
one,!you!might!still!have!a!great!time!.!.!.!you!might!even!want!to!go!with!
him!on!a!few!more!dates.!!!
And$that$power$and$confidence$that$you’ll$receive$will$spill$over$into$
all$other$areas$of$your$life.!!!
!
4!
You’ll!smile!more,!more!men!will!look!for!reasons!to!talk!to!you.!!!
Before!you!know!it,!it’s!raining!men!and!they’re!getting!better!and!
better.!
If%you’re%in%relationship%or%married,%are%you%still%reading?%%%Thanks%for%
staying%patient.%%%
Here!is!how!everybody!can!“date.”!
Treat"every"encounter"with"any"man"as"a"little"date.!!Whether!it’s!a!
clerk!in!a!grocery!store!or!someone!sitting!next!to!you!on!a!bus!or!a!
plane,!spend!the!next!few!minutes!or!the!next!few!hours!as!if!you’re!on!a!
first!date.!!!!!
Flirting,!and!receiving!attention.!!!
Your%energy%level%and%confidence%will%surge.!!
You!don’t!have!to!be!single!to!do!this!last!bit.!!I!know,!a!little!flirting,!a!
smile,!a!thank!you!to!another!man,!may!feel!like!cheating!on!your!guy.!!!
For!sure,!that’s!how!I!felt,!for!most!of!my!life.!!!
And!guess!what?!!That’s!just!an!assumption!you!make.!!What!if!you!did!
not!have!to!feel!that!way?!!!
More!on!“morality”!in!secret!4.!!
For!now,!just!make!a!different!assumption.!!That!your!husband!or!
boyfriend!will!feel!drawn!to!you!if!he!witnesses!you!flirting!with!
someone.!!!
And!if!he!is!not!there,!when!he!sees!you!later,!he’ll%feel%your%vibe%change!
and!will!be!inexplicably!drawn!to!you!without!knowing!what!hit!him.!!
!
5!
SECRET#2:"Convert"Drama"To"Romantic"Power"W"
Change"The""Fight"Rules""
?!
Do!you!feel!like!that!jerk!or!those!jerks!
will!always!stay!the!same?!!That!you!need!
to!explain!to!your!man!how!he!mistreated!
you!and!maybe!next!time!he’ll!do!better?!!
Do!you!feel!that!no!matter!what!you!say,!
you’ll!end!up!in!a!nasty!fight?!!!
Would!you!rather!hold!it!in?!!
For%so%long%in%my%life,%I’d%ignore%things%I%didn’t%appreciate%about%my%men,%
secretly%collecting%them%in%a%special%“how%could%he%do%this?!”%drawer%in%my%
head.!!And!then,!inevitably,!that!drawer!would!overflow,!and!I’d!explode.!!!
A!few!of!these!explosions,!and!the!relationship!would!be!over.!!!
It!felt!like!a!trap.!!Damn!if!you!complain,!damn!if!you!don’t.!!
Saying!nothing!and!you!suffer!and!brood.!!Fight!and!you’ll!both!suffer.!!
Fight!a!lot,!and!that’s!the!end!of!the!relationship.!!!
Here’s!another!recurring!desire!revealed!by!guys!online!(in!addition!to!
the!want!to!be!challenged)!.!.!.!
They$want$“no$drama.”$$$
I’d!always!feel!a!sting!seeing!the!“no!drama”!requirement.!!I!felt!inferior!
to!those!supposedly!existing!no@drama!women!and!I’d!be!upset!with!the!
guys!for!not!being!able!to!handle!the!drama.!!!
Can’t!they!grow!up!and!realize!that!life!is!not!all!fun,!that!sometimes!you!
have!to!have!serious!conversations,!that!sometimes!people!shout!at!
each!other!and!use!sarcasm,!and!isn’t!it!nice!to!make!up!afterwards?!!!!
Turns!out!that!being!a!grown!up!is!very!different!than!shouting!at!my!
man.!!
Now!looking!back,!I!think!my!understanding!of!how!relationships!work!
had!been!based!on!how!relationships!work!in!drama!movies.!!!!!
!
6!
And!it!turns!out,!life!is!not!a!movie.!!!
You%don’t%have%to%hold%it%in,%you%don’t%have%to%shout,%there’s%a%third%option.%%%
You!can!discuss!all!kinds!of!issues!with!your!man!and!be!serious!and!cry!
but!remove!the!drama.!!!
I$call$it$“grownDup$fighting,”$but$it$actually$doesn’t$look$like$fighting$
at$all.!!You!tell!your!man!how!you!feel,!what!you!want!or!don’t!want,!
and!you!remove!all!sarcasm!and!“smart”!things!that!you!only!want!to!
say!because!they!will!make!you!look!so!sophisticated.!!!
You!stay!vulnerable!and!open!even!if!it!means!shaking!all!over.!!!You!cry!
if!you!feel!like!it.!!!But!you!do!not!accuse!or!blame.!!!
This!is!hard!the!first!time!you!try!it.!!!
But!just!like!getting!a!positive!boost!from!a!date!or!a!store!clerk,!not!
letting!all!your!energy!being!sucked!into!a!fight,!feels%empowering.!!!
And!just!like!with!dating,!you!start!getting!some!results!soon.!!!For!me,!
one!of!the!biggest!boosts!of!the!grown@up!fighting!was!that!I!started!
feeling!more!mature!and!wise!(hence!the!name,!“grown@up!fighting”).!!!
Before!I!discovered!“grown@up!fighting,”!I!often!felt!like!a!child!throwing!
a!tantrum.!!I’d!occasionally!feel!proud!for!making!a!particularly!nasty!
and!well@argued!remark,!but!mostly!I’d!just!wonder!where!on!earth!
would!I!ever!find!a!man!who’d!be!able!to!tolerate!me.!!
Most!importantly,!while!it’s!not!a!good!idea!to!focus!too!much!on!
desired!outcomes,!“grown@up!fighting”!is!your!best!shot!at!getting!those!
outcomes.!!!
For%me,%the%best%outcome%of%a%“grown?up%fight”%was%inspiring%my%future%
husband%to%propose.%%
!
!
"
7!
SECRET"#3:"Let"Him"Drive"
How!much!do!you!do!for!guys?!!!
I!grew!up!in!the!Soviet!Union,!where!several!
generations!of!women!did!everything!around!
the!house,!including!washing!their!husbands’!
socks!by!hand.!!A!bit!extreme,!isn’t!it?!!!
You!probably!do!much!less!for!your!guy.!!Well,!
maybe!you!do!his!laundry!but!you!sure!use!the!
washing!machine.!!Maybe!you!invited!him!for!a!dinner!at!your!place!
because!last!time!he!cooked!for!you.!!Maybe!you!never!actually!do!
anything!for!him!but!you!make!sure!you!remind!him!to!take!his!tie!when!
he!travels.!!And!when!you!travel!together,!you’re!the!one!keeping!track!
of!gates!and!boarding!times.!
After!all,!hasn’t!feminism!“won”?!!Aren’t!we!all!equal?!!Isn’t!it!only!
natural!that!we,!women,!invite!guys!on!dates!and!pay!for!dinner,!at!least!
occasionally?!!
And!besides,!if!you!don’t!do!certain!things,!they!might!never!get!done,!
right?!!What!if!you!miss!that!plane!because!you!did!not!bother!to!check!
the!time?!
Now$let$me$ask$you$this.""How%does%it%feel%to%do%things%for%a%guy,%even%if%
it’s%just%a%reminder%to%not%forget%his%passport%or%asking%innocently%which%
gate%you%should%be%going%to?!!!
Do!you!feel!cherished!and!loved!at!this!moment?!!Or!maybe!you!feel!a!
bit!resentful!that!you!have!to!deal!with!a!baby!instead!of!a!man?!!!
I!used!to!be!the!queen!of!not!letting!guys!drive.!!!
I!initiated!at!least!four!different!relationships.!!I’d!of!course!have!
preferred!that!the!guys!were!the!initiators,!but!I!had!such!a!brilliant!
excuse!every!time!“Oh,!he!is!just!too!intimidated!by!me,!I’ll!give!him!a!
little!help!and!then!he’ll!be!so!thankful!and!will!totally!give!me!all!the!
love!in!the!world.”!!!
NOPE.!!!
!
8!
This!“strategy”!did!not!work!at!all.!!I’d!soon!find!myself!locked!in!
relationships,!where!the!guys,!no!matter!how!sweet!they!were,!would!
just!take!me!for!granted.!!!
In%my%extreme%dating%expedition,%one%thing%I%tried%differently,%is%to%stop%
“helping”%men%unless%specifically%asked%to%do%so.%%%
They!got!to!plan!the!dates,!set!times,!chose!restaurants.!!I!wouldn’t!even!
look!into!the!checks!when!they!arrived.!!!!
Not!doing!anything!may!at!first!feel!really!hard.!!Indeed,!surprisingly!
few!guys!appear!to!realize!that!in!order!to!have!a!date!they!have!to!tell!
the!girl!at!least!two!basic!things!–!when!and!where!we!are!meeting.!!!
How!often!I!found!myself!two!hours!before!the!date!not!knowing!where!
it!was!going!to!happen.!!!How!tempting!it!was!to!write!that!“innocent”!
text:!!“So!where!are!we!meeting!tonight?”!!!
NOPE.!!!It’s!on!him!to!set!things!up!and!if!he!does!not,!there!are!plenty!
others!(see!secret!1).!!!
The%best%thing%about%this%approach%is%that%it’s%so%relaxing.%%You%don’t%have%
to%worry%about%anything%anymore.%%Your%guy%will%handle%it.%%%(And%if%not,%
see%secret%1%and%secret%2).%%
Now"what"if"you’re"in"a"relationship?"""
If!for!so!many!years,!you!were!putting!yourself!in!charge!of!arriving!to!
the!airport!on!time,!“helping”!your!husband!drive!the!car,!giving!him!
little!massages!.!.!.!!The!list!can!go!on!forever.!!!!
Maybe!you’re!a!woman!for!whom!this!approach!works!well.!!But!if!you!
feel!drained!and!underappreciated,!it!probably!doesn’t.!!!
Try!dropping!some!of!your!“responsibilities.”!!Next!time!you’re!leaving!
for!the!airport!or!a!party,!tell!your!husband!that!you’re!ready!but!don’t!
remind!him!that!you’ll!be!late!if!he!does!not!hurry.!!Maybe!you’ll!miss!
that!flight,!but!you’ll!also!have!an!adventure,!and!you’ll!let!him!drive!the!
car!of!your!relationship.!!!
So!many!women!complain!that!they!want!their!men!to!do!more.!!
!
9!
Here!is!a!simple!secret.!!
Do%less%yourself.%%Open%up%that%space%for%you%man%and%he’ll%step%in%(and%if%
he%does%not,%see%secret%5).%
If!you!want!more!insights!into!how!to!let!the!man!drive!while!you!feel!
powerful!and!secure,!if!you!want!to!know!what!to!say!to!a!man!who!
wants!you!to!drive,!I!will!practice!all!kinds!of!scenarios!with!you!during!
our!coaching!sessions.!!Sign!up!for!a!FREE!Security!Building!Session!at!!
www.KristinaLaneRelationshipCoaching.com/coaching/"
SECRET"#4:"Rethink"What's""Moral""&""Ethical""–"
Banish"Guilt"
Are!you!afraid!to!date,!flirt,!or!let!your!man!“do!
everything”!because!you!think!it’s!“wrong”?!!!
For!so!many!years,!I!used!all!kinds!of!rules!
stemming!from!by!ideas!of!good!and!evil.!!I!now!
realize!that!some!of!these!rules!stood!between!me!
and!my!happiness.!!Here!are!some:!
!
• If!I!flirt!with!someone!when!I!am!not!single,!I’m!being!bad.!!!
• If!I!had!a!date!with!a!guy,!I!have!to!be!completely!sure!that!he!and!
I!aren’t!together!before!I!can!have!a!date!with!someone!else.!!
Otherwise,!I!am!cheating!!!!
• I!have!to!be!nice!to!my!date!or!boyfriend!or!husband!and!do!my!
share!of!planning,!paying,!doing!work!around!the!house,!etc.!!(I’d!
secretly!want!him!to!do!much!more!but!believed!that!that!was!
unattainable!or!immoral).!!
• If!I’m!in!love!with!the!man,!I!should!stay!by!his!side!even!if!he’s!
neglecting!me,!especially,!if!he’s!in!some!kind!of!trouble.!!
!
10!
Those!rules!didn’t!make!me!happy.!!Neither!did!my!adherence!to!these!
rules!make!the!men!in!my!life!happy.!!!!
I’d!feel!trapped!in!a!relationship,!unfulfilled,!and!not!getting!what!I!
deserved.!!!!
And!he!would!feel!like!there!was!just!no!way!he!could!make!me!happy!
and!that’s!pretty!much!intolerable!for!any!guy.!!
Once"I"dropped"those"rules,"life"was"suddenly"easier"for$both$me$
and$the$men$in$my$life."""
Easier,!happier,!more!fun.!!!
From!that!perspective,!dropping!those!rules!is!way!more!“moral”!and!
“ethical.”!!
So…!If!your!reaction!to!a!piece!of!relationship!advice!is!something!like!!
• “I!can’t!do!it,!I’m!not!an!egoist.”!!
• “I!can’t!do!it,!I’m!not!a!slut.”!!!
• “But!wouldn’t!that!be!hurtful!to!the!other!person?”!!
Ask%yourself%if%adhering%to%these%rules%makes%you%and%your%guy%happy?%
What!if!your!ideas!of!good!and!bad!didn’t!have!to!be!set!in!stone?!!!
What!if!you!could!banish!the!guilt!and!embrace!the!love!that!men!want!
to!give!you?!!
What!if!your!“moral”!rules!are!holding!you!back.!!!
See!what!happens!if!you!lift!them!temporarily.!!Experimenting!is!
everything!!!
!
!
11!
SECRET"#5:"Men"As"Home"Appliances.""If"It’s"Not"Working,"
It"Could"Be"Broken"Or"You"May"Be"Pressing"The"Wrong"Buttons"
Do!you!feel!like!your!guy!or!guys!in!general!
mistreat!you,!don’t!appreciating!you!enough,!or!
act!as!jerks!and!morons?!
For!years,!that’s!how!I’d!feel!about!guys!most!of!
the!time.!!!
It!sometimes!vaguely!occurred!to!me!that!I!was!contributing!to!the!
relationship!fiascos,!but!I’d!brush!away!those!ideas.!!!
Looking!back,!I!am!not!surprised!anymore!that!all!those!relationships!
ended!in!drama!and!pain.!!I!was!doing!the!same!thing!again!and!again!
and!it’s!amazing!that!I!somehow!expected!a!different!result.!!!
Imagine!you!bought!a!washing!machine!and!it’s!not!functioning!
properly.!!You!throw!it!out,!buy!a!new!one,!and!the!same!thing!happens.!!
Imagine!you!repeat!this!ten!times.!!!
Crazy,!isn’t!it?!!And!yet,!that’s!exactly!what!I!was!doing!with!guys.!!I!was!
pressing!the!same!buttons!every!time.!!And!apparently,!those!buttons!
were!not!working!for!me.!!
But!instead!of!choosing!to!press!other!buttons,!I’d!just!replace!the!
washing!machine!and!expect!better!results.!!!
So,"if"you’re"on"the"crossWroads"of"whether"or"not"to"be"with"a"
certain"man,"whether"it"is"at"the"end"of"three"dates"or"after"thirty"
years"of"marriage,"I$want$you$to$try$pressing$different$buttons$
before$announcing$that$this$washing$machine$is$broken.$""
The!relationship!might!start!working.!!You!can’t!change!a!man!but%you%
can%inspire%him%to%change!by!changing!your!own!words!and!actions.!!And!
if!it!doesn’t!happen,!you!have!the!greatest!power!of!all!–!the!power!to!
leave.
One!thing!that!I!don’t!want!you!to!do!is!to!go!on!a!guilt!trip!about!not!
using!the!right!buttons.!!!
!
12!
What!happened!happened.!!The!past!doesn’t!define!the!future.!!!
Had!I!pressed!different!buttons!with!some!of!my!exes,!I!might!still!be!
with!one!of!them.!!And!that!would!be!so!much!less!amazing!than!what!I!
have!with!my!husband.!!!!
Before!my!husband,!my!longest!relationship!lasted!for!four!years.!!Most!
of!that!time,!I!felt!unloved!and!resentful.!!When!a!few!years!later,!I!
realized!how!I!had!contributed!to!that!disaster,!I!actually!felt!power,%not%
guilt.!!!
The!realization,!that!I!was!in!charge,!that!it’s!not!some!ill!fate!or!moronic!
guys!that!were!responsible!for!my!unhappiness!but!that!I!have!all!the!
power!in!my!hands,!made!me!feel!elated!and!relieved.!!!
I!could!now!build!something!else.!!!
I!just!needed!to!read!the!manual!for!the!washing!machine!and!practice!
pressing!the!recommended!combination!of!buttons!!!
SECRET"#6:"Love"Is"Like"Algebra:"It"Isn't"A"Miracle"Or"About"
"Luck""–"It's"About"Skills"And"Practice"
So,!where!is!that!manual?!!You!may!ask.!!!It’s!
not!that!often!that!you!go!on!a!date!and!the!
guy!shows!up!with!a!user!manual.!!!
And!if!you’re!married!and!ask!your!husband!
what!he!wants!you!to!do!differently,!you’ll!
either!get!a!polite!“Everything!is!great!honey”!
or!something!much!less!pleasant!and!no!
more!useful.!!!
And!even!if!it!is!useful,!it!may!feel!
uncomfortable!and!painful.!!It!may!feel!like!
you’re!trying!to!drive!and!throw!you!into!an!insecurity!vortex.!!
And!if!you’re!dating,!do!you!need!to!study!a!new!manual!for!every!new!
case?!!That!can!be!exhausting!!
!
13!
The!good!news!is,!there’s!pretty!much!just!one!manual!.!.!.!one!textbook!
that!you!need!to!study!and!follow!up!with!practice.!!!!
As%different%as%men%seem%to%be,%you’ll%get%the%same%reactions%from%most%of%
them%if%you%press%the%same%buttons.%%%
For!example,!if!you!accuse!a!man!of!anything,!he’ll!probably!get!
defensive,!or!shut!down,!and,!most!importantly,!it!is!unlikely!that!he’ll!
change!his!behavior.!!Even!if!you!convince!him!to!promise!it!to!you.!
So!where!do!you!get!the!manual?!!
There!is!a!ton!of!books!and!programs!and!blogs!out!there.!!They!repeat!
each!other!a!lot.!!If!you’re!reading!this!ebook,!you’re!probably!familiar!
with!some!of!the!other!books.!!!
Which!means,!you%have%the%manual%already!!!
What$you’re$missing$is$the$practice!!!!!!
I!encourage!you!to!set!up!a!free!trial!session!with!me.!Through!practice%
role@playing,!I’ll!help!you!feel!comfortable!talking!to!random!people!and!
your!man.!!!
We’ll!practice!dialogues,!where!I’ll!play!the!guy!and!coach!you!at!the!
same!time.!!!
AND!I’ll!keep!you!accountable.!!!
Just!like!that!middle!school!teacher.!!!!
No%matter%how%grave%your%situation%feels%right%now,%you%will%feel%less%
frustrated%even%after%just%one%session.!!
And"that"will"change"your"vibe"and"make"you"so"much"more"
attractive"to"men!"
Sign!up!for!a!FREE!Security!Building!Session!at!!
www.KristinaLaneRelationshipCoaching.com/coaching/$
!
14!
A"Few"More"Words"
Tell%me…%
Do!you!feel!frustrated!with!your!love!life?!!Do!you!blame!God,!universe,!
bad!luck,!guys?!!!
A!healthy,!happy,!committed,!happy@ever@after!relationship!and!a!great!
man!in!your!life!are!not!a!miracle!and!do!not!happen!due!to!luck.!!!
There!is!a!bit!of!luck!but!mostly!it’s!knowledge!and!practice.!!!
If!you’re!not!in!a!place!you!want!to!be!yet,!or!you!feel!that!good!men!are!
not!finding!you,!nothing!is!“wrong”!with!you.!!!
You!simply!don’t!know!how!to!get!there,!like!once!you!didn’t!know!how!
to!read,!type,!or!multiply.!!!
Having!a!great!man!and!a!happy!relationship!is!a!skill!you!can!learn!by!
acquiring!knowledge!and!by!practicing.!!!
It’s!no!harder!than!the!classes!you!took!in!middle!school.!!Even!if!it!
seems!hard!now.!!Commit!to!learning!and!practicing!and!it!all!becomes!
fun!soon.!!$
And$when$you$see$the$results,$on$top$of$fun,$you$feel$the$power.$$
These!six!secrets!are!steps!to!your!solution:!
1. Date$like$crazy.$$If$you$are$in$an$exclusive$relationship,$have$
tiny$“dates”$with$men$and$even$women$around$you.$$Let$the$
attention$people$give$you$help$you$feel$secure$and$desired.$$
2. Convert$drama$to$romantic$power.$$When$you$“fight,”$do$the$
“grownDup$fighting,”$which$is$not$like$fighting$at$all.$$No$
sarcasm$or$accusations.$$Just$tell$him$what$you$feel$and$what$
you$want.$$
3. Let$him$drive.$$Enjoy$the$energy$that$comes$from$him$to$you.$$
Forget$about$giving$to$him.$$It$would$only$make$him$feel$
feminine/childish$and$it$would$make$you$feel$
!
15!
underappreciated$or$resentful.$$It$feels$so$much$better$to$be$on$
the$receiving$end.$$
4. Rethink$what’s$moral$and$ethical.$$If$a$rule$you$have$does$not$
make$you$happy,$drop$it.$$Even$if$it$feels$“wrong.”$$It$will$feel$
right$once$you$feel$happier$without$it$and$make$others$around$
you$feel$happier$as$well.$$
5. $If$you$are$thinking$of$dropping$a$guy,$think$of$him$as$a$
washing$machine$that’s$not$working.$$$Before$giving$up$on$him,$
try$pressing$different$buttons.$$
6. It’s$all$in$your$hands.$$You$don’t$need$luck$to$have$the$amazing$
relationship$you$always$dreamed$of.$$$You$have$all$the$power$to$
inspire$a$man$to$be$your$perfect$man$and$treat$you$like$a$
queen.$$$
And!if!you!want!more!tips,!support,!and!practice,!I!look!forward!to!
knowing!you!better!and!helping!you!find!your!happy@ever@after!in!our!
coaching!sessions.!!Sign!up!for!a!FREE!Security!Building!Session!on!!
www.KristinaLaneRelationshipCoaching.com/coaching/$
Love,!
Kristina!!
!
www.KristinaLaneRelationshipCoaching.com
!
16!
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